Wednesday's Child
by lostinlondon
Summary: With the relationship between Harry and Nikki at an all time low, will he be able to notice enough to catch her before she falls.
1. Concrete Angel

**Title: **Wednesday's Child.

**Summary: **With the relationship between Harry and Nikki at an all time low, will he be able to notice enough to catch her before she falls?

**Rating**: T - due to material of a sensitive nature, it contains unsettling images from the start.

1. _**"A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate, when morning comes it will be too late."**_

Flashing blue lights swirled all around her as Nikki approached the entrance to the hospital, ignoring the chaos and drama that was unfolding before her she flashed her ID badge at one of the police officers, before tightly smiling a hello and making her way towards the small back office that had been turned in a makeshift incident room.

Pulling her long sleeved sweater down over her hands she clutched on tightly to the metal case in her hand as she tried to blink away the headache that was fast-forming behind her eyes.

"Doctor Alexander, thank you for coming," a tell male detective nodded as he walked towards her, his pace slow yet determined.

"It's my job," Nikki shrugged, wincing at the harsh halogen lights, she had tried to avoid having to take anything for her headache, but the more time that passed the more her resolve was wearing.

Motioning for her to sit down the detective held a set of hospital notes in his hands. "My job is never pleasant, I would imagine that the same goes with yours but this case … it's already brought a few of my toughest officers to their knees."

"Right," Nikki breathed, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Detective …"

"Adams, but you can call me Rhys," he smiled, trying to put her at ease, knowing that over the coming days and possibly weeks they would be spending a lot of time together."

Nikki smiled, a small ghost of a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, she always prided herself on having good instincts and those same instincts were telling her that she was lucky to have Rhys Adams on her side. "Then please, call me Nikki."

"Nikki," Rhys smiled, his dark blue eyes dancing. "This is about as tragic is it gets," he started, his voice suddenly sombre as he opened the folder to a police picture of a small child hooked up to a ventilator, her tiny features barely recognizable under the bruises and swelling that tainted her innocent features.

"So I see," Nikki mumbled, she wanted desperately to be able to look away but at the same time was unable to tear her eyes away from the haunting image.

Turning the page Rhys rested the folder on his lap. "This is baby Faith, the staff at the hospital called her that after she was found unconscious, beaten and abandoned in a squat on the Hilldrop estate. She hung on for nearly 24 hours but her body succumbed to a massive infection as well as devastating damage to her brain, she was pronounced at 21.57 this evening."

"Do we know anything about her?" Nikki asked.

Sadly Rhys shook his head. "We know plenty about the way she died and each part of it is more horrific than the first ... But sadly we know nothing about what happened to her in life."

"She looks what 2 maybe 3 years old?" Nikki questioned.

Rhys nodded. "The paediatricians estimate her age at about 2 and a half years, we've done a nationwide search and there is no missing children matching her description, this afternoon we sent a message to all social service agencies across the country to see if she might be a looked after or at risk child but so far-"

"Someone has to know something, someone has to be missing her," Nikki whispered.

"Maybe so," Rhys agreed. "But no one that we've managed to find, that's where you come in, somebody needs to be made to pay for this and I have it from many different sources that you are one of the best, that if Faith … if the body has any clues to offer about how she lived and why she died then you're the person to find it."

Nikki closed her eyes for a few seconds as the pounding in her head was starting to make her ears ring. "I don't know about being the best, but I can promise you now that I will do everything in my power to help you find justice. Nobody, especially not an innocent child deserves to die alone, with no one fighting for them."

"She wasn't alone," Rhys whispered, trying to bring a little peace to such a horrific situation.

"I-"

Rhys licked his suddenly dry lips. "I was there, as the doctor and nurses fought to the bitter end I was there, and I'm not about to give up fighting now, not with so many unanswered questions."

Standing up Nikki smoothed the invisible creases out of her jeans. "Could you show me where …"

"I'll take you to her," Rhys offered, before Nikki had a chance to finish the sentence.

Silently he led her through the winding corridors of the paediatric intensive care, a place that baby Faith had called home for the last 24 hours of her short life, a police officer and nurse sat on the chairs outside the door, and Nikki could tell that they were trying to remain inconspicuous for the sake of the other children and families on the unit, but she also knew how quickly bad news spread.

"Who found her?" Nikki asked.

"There was an anonymous call made to 999, a call that we quickly traced to a well known drug addict from the estate, he's a scumbag but he's not a killer, he was looking for somewhere to crash when he found her, he panicked and ran stopping only to call 999," Rhys explained.

Taking a steadying breath Nikki entered the isolated hospital room, she knew it was standard procedure with suspicious deaths to leave everything exactly as it had been at the time of death, but that didn't stop the small gasp from escaping her pale lips as she walked towards the bed.

"No one has been in here since just after they called time of death," Rhys explained.

Nikki nodded. "I'll do a preliminary survey here and then if we could arrange to have her taken back to the Lyell Centre I'll perform the post-mortem there, hopefully we should have preliminary results within the next 24 hours."

Standing at the back of the room Rhys knew that he didn't have to stay there but something about leaving Nikki alone felt wrong, after all he knew that it was something that he was glad he didn't have to deal with alone.

"Did the hospital run toxicology reports?" Nikki asked, just over 2 hours after she walked into the room.

Rhys stood up straight, startled by the sudden break in the silence. "Yes. But other than children's paracetemol and ibuprofen there were no signs of anything illegal or otherwise. In fact all of the x-rays, scans and tests showed no signs that she was anything other than a healthy, well looked after child until someone decided to use her as a punch bag."

"So they concluded that all of the injuries were caused at the same time?" Nikki wondered.

"Yes," Rhys answered. "Less than 12 hours before she was found."

Frowning Nikki turned back towards the bed. "Right," she breathed, pulling off her latex gloves and putting them in an evidence bag.

"You don't agree?" Rhys queried.

"I don't have an opinion either way at the moment and I won't until after the post-mortem," Nikki informed him.

Rhys led her out of the room, watching the pained look that flashed across her eyes as they once again left Faith alone. "SOCO's went over the squat with a fine tooth comb, bagging thousands of pieces of evidence so far only an Iggle Piggle blanket seems relevant to the investigation."

"Iggle Piggle?" Nikki questioned.

"Iggle Piggle … In The Night Garden … The kids programme," Rhys explained.

Nikki felt her lips twitch up in the first real smile of the day. "I can honestly say I've never watched it."

"I have a 3-year-old Godson," Rhys blushed.

"Convenient excuse," Nikki smirked as she followed him out of the paediatric unit. "How long until we'll be able to transport the body to the Lyell?"

Rhys looked at his watch. "I'll try and have it arranged for within the hour."

"I'll meet you there," Nikki informed him as they parted ways at the hospital entrance, sitting in her car Nikki leaned back against the drivers seat, needing a few moments to herself before she headed towards the lab, reaching into the glove compartment she pulled out 2 blister packets, popping 2 ibuprofen and 2 paracetemol in her mouth she swallowed them with a mouthful of warm water, desperate to rid herself of the headache that seemed to plague her every waking hour recently.

As she placed the blister packets back her thoughts immediately went to Faith. "Someone must have cared," she whispered, as she thought about the children's medication that had been found in the young girls blood stream.

"Someone cared enough to try and stop your pain," she added as she turned her keys in the ignition and headed towards the Lyell Centre she couldn't get the images of the stricken little girl from her mind, images that she knew would haunt her for many nights to come.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Entering the familiar halls of the Lyell Centre Nikki immediately headed for the locker room, sitting down on the bench she held her head in her hands, the pain relief had done little to dull her headache, in fact the ache seemed to be spreading through her bones and joints.

"Nikki," Harry greeted, surprised to see her.

Nikki looked up and plastered on a fake smile, normally she would have been happy to see her close friend and colleague but since he had started dating Emma Matthews and Nikki had accidentally let her disproval show things had been tense between them.

"Just finishing?" she asked, trying to keep the conversation light, and trying not to let her pain at the decline in their friendship show.

Harry nodded, feeling a lump form in the back of his throat as he took in the unnaturally pale tone of her skin and the dark circles around her eyes. Usually he would have thought nothing of reaching out to her until she told him what was bothering her, but over the last 3 weeks ever since their public disagreement things had been awkward and fragile between the 2 pathologists.

"Yes. I er … I have plans," Harry stammered, feeling like a nervous schoolboy in front of the principal.

Nikki smiled, a tired yet honest smile, after all what she really wanted was for Harry to be happy and if Emma made him happy then she was willing to keep her suspicions and opinions to herself from now on.

"I hope you have a enjoyable evening," she told him, trying to sound as genuine as she felt but lately she didn't seem to have the energy for anything other than sleeping, working and breathing.

"Thank-you," he nodded. "Anyway what are you still doing here at this time?"

Nikki kicked off her shoes. "I'm on call and there was a suspicious death at the hospital," she explained.

"And it can't wait until the morning?" Harry questioned.

Slowly as if her brain was full of bricks Nikki shook her head. "No, it's a 2-year-old Jane Doe ... Baby Faith, who died in horrific circumstances, people want answers and they want them yesterday."

"Right," Harry sighed. "Well I should be going, make sure you at least try to get some sleep, if not there's a packet of that coffee you love in the fridge," he told her, his frustration lifting slightly as he saw the way her eyes lit up at the gesture.

"Thank-you, really, thank-you," Nikki told him as she pulled on some comfortable shoes and headed towards the lab.

Watching her go Harry couldn't fight the feeling of fear that was starting to build up inside him, something about the way Nikki was behaving and the sickly pallor of her features bothered him. As she turned the corner he tried to pus his fear aside, he had Emma and a bottle of wine waiting at his flat and he intended to make the most of his late start tomorrow. But as he headed towards his car, trying to concentrate only on what awaited him at home he couldn't completely quell his worry, it was a known fact that every pathologist had a case that tested them to their limits and sometimes even broke the strongest of souls; he just hoped that this case wasn't Nikki's.

Authors note: Posting this at the end as I didn't want to give too much away. I know we've jumped straight into the middle of the tension between Harry and Nikki but it will be explained, I wanted to start at this point because it's the best place for the drama to build from.

Thank you for reading.


	2. Bright Eyes

**2. **_**"How can a light that burned so brightly suddenly burn so pale." **_

When Leo had arrived at the lab 2 hours before he was due to start work he hadn't expected to find anyone else there. So when he had spotted his female colleague crouched over a tissue sample he'd immediately frowned in concern. He'd heard from many sources that she'd been called out last night, so he knew, without even having to ask that she hadn't been home, which also meant that she probably hadn't slept or eaten properly.

Smiling to himself he slipped out before she had a chance to notice him, quickly walking around the corner he picked up her favourite Panini and coffee plus the same for himself before heading back.

Knocking on the window he held up the bag. "I brought you sustenance."

"Gosh Leo you scared me," Nikki jumped. "You should know better than to sneak up on a lady, especially a lady that assumed she was alone in a mortuary."

"Sorry," Leo smiled apologetically.

Pulling off her latex gloves and apron Nikki tried to stretch the aches out of her back before heading to his office to join him.

"Mm, perfect, thank-you Leo, this is exactly what I needed," Nikki breathed, as she opened the paper bag allowing the aroma of freshly melted cheese to fill the air.

"How is the case going?" Leo asked.

Nikki leaned back against the chair, taking a sip of her coffee she waited a few seconds before answering. "It's not."

"Do you want to talk through it? A fresh pair of eyes and all that," Leo suggested.

"I've spent nearly 10 hours with her and in that time I've catalogued 14 injuries, each of them inflicted less that 48 hours before she died. But other than that I can't find anything that might suggested who she is, no fillings, surgical scars or distinguishing marks and you know why?" Nikki almost cried.

Leo shook his head. "No. Why?"

"Because at 2 and a half years old she hadn't had the chance to experience any of that, she'll never need a filling, she'll never break her arm swinging from the monkey bars or cut her head falling over a skipping rope. Instead she's lying dead and alone in our mortuary because somebody ended her life in the cruellest way possible," Nikki stammered, barely able to keep a hold on her emotions.

Leo reached out and rested his hand on top of hers. "We'll find out who she is."

"The thing that I don't understand most of all - and trust me there's a lot about this case I don't - is that somebody must have cared, just hours before she was found somebody cared enough to give her Calpol and Neurofen, somebody wanted to ease her pain, somebody loved her," Nikki explained.

"Then that will make it easier for us to find them, if somebody loved her then somebody has to be missing her," Leo surmised.

Nikki nodded. "I found traces of shampoo and baby powder in her hair, there was also a very small trace of Vaseline on her forehead, as if someone had kissed her goodnight."

"You've done everything that you can for now," Leo assured her. "You're exhausted, go home, have a shower and a few hours sleep and then when you come back more of the results should be back," he suggested.

"I need to find out who she is, then I can sleep," Nikki insisted.

Even through the dark circles and exhaustion Leo could see the fiery determination in her eyes, "Alright then, shall we review the evidence?"

"I'll just get the file," Nikki smiled, grateful for Leo's help because after 10 hours everything was starting to look and sound the same.

As Leo watched Nikki go he understood where she was coming, he knew that almost obsessive need for answers that would strike you when you least expected it, he could also see that less than 24 hours into it, the case was already starting to have a serious adverse effect on his usually bubble colleague.

Bending down to pick up the small box folder of information that she had already gathered Nikki had to hold onto the wall to steady herself as everything started to swim around her. It took a few seconds for everything to return to normal, taking a few steadying breaths Nikki shook the cobwebs from her head and headed back towards the office.

"This is everything that I've collated and that was collected at the hospital," Nikki explained as she put the box down and picked up her coffee.

"Where do you want to start?" Leo asked, realising that Nikki needed to feel in control of the situation.

Swallowing a mouthful of coffee Nikki winced as the bitter liquid burnt the side of her throat. "The start seems like the most logical place," she reasoned, handing Leo and a small manila folder,

"An anonymous phone call was made to 999 at 23.16, a call that was later traced to a man called David Meehan, a known drug addict that was sleeping rough on the Hilldrop estate, the police have since ruled him out as a suspect, he's hardly citizen of the year but he's not the murderer," Nikki began.

Taking a deep breath she continued. "LAS arrived there at 23.29, on arrival they found Baby Faith in the small bedroom, she was on a camp bed, wrapped in a children's blanket, she was breathing, but unresponsive throughout, they stabilised her and took her straight to the Royal London Hospital,"

"Was there anything else at the flat? Anything else that could lead us to an identification?" Leo asked.

Sadly Nikki shook her head. "Other than the blanket and pyjamas she was wearing there was nothing that appears to be linked to Baby Faith."

"Have they traced those items?" Leo asked.

"Yes," Nikki breathed. "The blanket is from Argos and the pyjamas are from Tesco's, thousands of each have been sold over the last 6 to 18 months."

Leo looked down at the notes. "What's the cause of death?"

"She received multiple blows, the 2 that caused the most catastrophic injuries were the blunt force trauma to her temporal lobe and the blow to her abdomen. She died from overwhelming sepsis caused by a perforated liver, bowel and spleen, her tiny body just couldn't cope. However CT and MRI scans showed that had she been able to overcome the sepsis her quality of life would have been severely affected, her ICP was through the roof and she had barely any brain function," Nikki informed him, trying to keep the emotion from her voice.

Leo nodded, his stomach churning at the imagery of what the innocent little child must have suffered in the hours leading up to her death. "Do you know what caused the injuries?"

"The one to her stomach was caused by a someone kicking her, we have a very small area of the shoe tread marked onto her skin but it's only 2 by 1cm, there's people working on trying to match it," Nikki answered. "As for the blow to the head it was made by a thin cylindrical metal object, there were flakes of gold paint in the wound and surrounding hair," she concluded.

"Well at least we've got something to go on," Leo pointed out, needing Nikki to see that it wasn't completely helpless.

Taking a bit of her Panini Nikki was grateful to finally have something in her stomach. "Nothing that tells us who she is though."

"We'll find her, we'll give her peace," Leo vowed.

"Peace," Nikki echoed, her eyes fluttering shut as she leaned back against the chair.

Looking across at his colleague Leo became concerned about the way her hands were shaking. "Are you alright?"

"Tired, I'm just so tired," Nikki mumbled, as her voice almost felt like it was floating.

"I'm not surprised, it must have been at least 24 hours since you last slept," Leo reminded her.

Standing up Nikki couldn't understand why her legs suddenly felt like they were void of bone. "I'm going to do a computer simulation of Baby Faith, if I input her picture into the facial reconstruction programme we can remove all the bruises and swelling, make it look like she's still alive, then perhaps the police will let the media run the picture. Like you said, someone has to be missing her."

As Leo watched Nikki go he made a silent vow to himself to keep a close eye on the young pathologist, there was something about her that just wasn't sitting right with him.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Leaning back against the faux leather couch Harry watched as Emma walked towards him with two large, steaming mugs of coffee.

"They'll bring the food over when it's ready," she smiled, placing the cups down on the table and sitting down next to him.

Harry nodded, trying to stifle a yawn. "Sorry," he apologised.

Emma laughed gently. "Am I really that boring?" she asked her voice light and teasing as she leaned further into him, resting her hand on his knee.

"No, not at all, I think the high volume of cases this week is suddenly catching up with me," Harry half-lied, whilst that was partially the truth his tiredness could also be put down to his concern over his colleague.

Despite the fact that things had been less than comfortable between them Harry still found that Nikki's unusual behaviour was the only thing on his mind last night as he tossed and turned, desperate for just a few moments peace of mind.

"Earth to Harry," Emma sung, noticing that his mind was elsewhere. "Are you sure everything is alright?" she asked, concerned that since the public showdown between him and his friend Nikki Alexander he had been pulling away from her.

"Everything is fine," Harry smiled, hoping to reassure her, the last thing he wanted was for Emma to realise that it was his concern for another woman that was keeping him awake at night, especially when she was the one that was cuddled up next to him.

Running her hand across his leg Emma smiled. "Good, because I've got big plans for this weekend."

"This weekend?" Harry questioned.

"We both have the weekend off remember?" Emma reminded him.

Harry nodded. "Oh yes, of course, this weekend," he stammered, picking up his coffee and busying himself in taking a series of sips.

Emma was about to say something but was cut off as Harry's phone beeped loudly and vibrated against her, untangling herself from him she took a spoonful of cream off the top of her drink as Harry read his message.

"It's Leo," Harry sighed, he hated the fact that he was about to disappoint her but his job had to come first, at least at this stage in the relationship it did.

"It's your morning off," Emma reminded him.

Harry took her hand in his, hoping that the physical contact would go a little way to quell her disappointment. "I know, but Leo has been called out to a multiple murder and he needs an extra pair of hands."

"Can't Nikki help?" Emma asked, she knew she was being selfish but they barely got to spend any time together as it was, and she couldn't help but feel jealous that when they weren't together he was at the lab; with Nikki.

"She's already on a case," Harry explained, ever since Emma had witnessed the argument between himself and Nikki 3 weeks ago she had become very insecure when it came to the blonde pathologist, a fact that wasn't helped by all the time Harry had to spend at the lab with her.

Emma nodded. "Will I see you tonight?"

"Probably not," Harry admitted, knowing it was better to disappoint her now rather than build up her hopes some more only to disappoint her later. "From the sounds of it we could be there until the early hours of the morning."

Emma nodded. "I suppose it will give me a chance to catch up on all of those errands I've been putting off."

"I'll make it up to you," Harry promised, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek.

Pulling her into him for a proper kiss Emma whispered into his ear. "I know you will. Miss me?"

"Always," Harry replied, releasing himself from her grip as he picked up his coffee, approaching the barista he had the hot drink poured into a takeaway cup before heading out to meet Leo at the East London scene.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Approaching the scene Harry immediately spotted Leo, sat on one of the walls pulling on his white protective suit.

"How many victims?" Harry asked.

Leo looked up at him, as Harry pulled put his own suit. "2, a male and female."

"Shall we take one each?" Harry suggested.

"That sounds like a logical plan," Leo nodded. "Thank you for coming in, I know it was your late start today."

Harry shrugged off his thanks. "It's not a big deal. I know Nikki was busy on the Jane Doe and a multiple is too much for any of us on our own, especially after the crazy few weeks we've all had."

"Speaking of Nikki," Leo began. "Have you noticed anything off with her lately?"

"In what way?" Harry asked.

Leo could see the mixed emotions that flashed across Harry's face, he knew that the 2 younger pathologists on his team had always shared a close relationship, a relationship that had seen them through some very dark and trying times. But he had also been witness to the public disagreement that had occurred between them late one night in the lab, after Nikki had made a throw away comment about Emma's constant need for attention, and Harry had reacted unusually angrily leading them into a full blown argument, an argument that resulted in neither of them speaking to each other for a full 9 days.

Things had gradually calmed down and they were now on speaking terms, but anyone that knew them could see that the relationship was still strained, and that the closeness and ease that once existed between them was a thing of the past.

"I don't know she just seems … lost," Leo shrugged, not really sure how to put his concern into words.

"It's a difficult case," Harry pointed out as he finished suiting up.

Leo nodded his agreement. "I know that but it's not just her state of mine I'm worried about, she looked pale and tired …"

"I know what you mean," Harry agreed. "There's something going on with her I just can't put my finger on it."

"Perhaps you could talk to her," Leo suggested.

Harry looked down at the floor. "We're not exactly on speaking terms at the moment, at least not about things work related."

"Don't you think it's about time you both put that behind you?" Leo asked.

"Easier said than done," Harry sighed. "We both said some things that are quite hard to take back, hurtful, hateful things," he whispered, his heart aching at the memory of that night.

Leo looked towards his friend and colleague. "I really think she could use a friend right now."

"I'm not that person," Harry said, standing up and grabbing his kit. "Not anymore."

As Leo watched Harry head into the house he wished more than anything that he could bang their heads together and lock them in a room until he had sorted it out. Their friendship had always been something that made the team work, the fact that no matter how dark the day they were always there for each other with a laugh, or shoulder to lean on.

Now with them both being so estranged from each other, and neither showing any signs of making the first move, Leo couldn't help but fear that Nikki had lost her greatest strength at the time when she needed him most.


	3. The Blower's Daughter

Thanks for the lovely comments. After watching A Guilty Mind I have 3 reasons to be VERY jealous of Nikki. 1. Harry, they have such an amazing relationship, probably one of the best on TV. 2. Her Mulberry handbag … I covert it. 3. The amazing flat she lives in, not only is it beautiful but it's right next to the Albert Hall which is walking distance to High Street Ken (the best shopping street in London), Kensington Gardens and all of the museums and galleries of South Ken, being a pathologist may pay a pretty penny.

3. _**"No love, no glory, no hero in her sky."**_

Logging in the last of the evidence Harry pulled off his protective suit, throwing it into an evidence bag he made his way over to the car, where Leo stood leaning against the passenger's door.

"12 hours we've been indoors, surrounded by death and acts of evil," Leo sighed, running his hand tiredly across his face.

"It's the job we signed up for" Harry reminded him.

Leo nodded. "I know, but lately it just seems like evil has grown an extra head and humans have new, even more hideous ways of hurting each other."

"Perhaps you need a holiday, you and Janet on a nice warm beach somewhere in the middle of nowhere," Harry suggested.

"We should get back to the lab, not even death will wait for my crisis of faith to be over," Leo laughed bitterly as he made his way over to his own car.

Seeing how affected his young female colleague was by everything had affected him more than he had realised. The fact that one act of evil had the ability to hurt so many lives including that of the usually unflappable Doctor Alexander bothered him more than he thought possible.

Watching Leo leave Harry couldn't help but frown at the exchange that had just taken place, he knew they all had cases that haunted them, but something told him that it wasn't a case that was haunting Leo but something completely different, something that Harry had yet to figure out.

Taking his mobile phone out of his pocket he sighed at the 6 missed calls and 4 text messages that flashed across the screen.

Ignoring the first 5 missed calls; all of them from Emma he went straight to the last one, which was from the Lyell Centre, but the message consisted of nothing more than someone hanging up and then the line going dead.

Throwing his phone in to the glove compartment Harry leaned tiredly against the back of his seat, ever since the argument with Nikki he had been going over and over it in his head. Trying to figure out why he had reacted so angrily to her jesting; and each time he came back to the same conclusion, it was because deep down he knew she was right, that Emma wasn't the woman for him.

He liked his space, and to be able to come and go as he pleased, where as Emma liked to make plans, she liked to know exactly where she stood. And Harry, well he had never coped well with needy.

"Damn you Nikki Alexander," he muttered under his breath, hating the fact that she knew him better than he did himself and because he was too proud to admit that he risked destroying their friendship forever.

Less than a minute after he sent the text message to Emma his phone started ringing, leaving it to ring in the glove compartment he turned his keys in the ignition and put the volume on the radio as loud as it could go, ready to drown out the incessant ringing as he headed towards the Lyell Centre.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

The lab was barely lit as Leo entered his office, after all it was nearly 10pm, a time when most sensible people were at home getting ready for bed. Shaking his head he headed to the staff room to prepare a pot of coffee.

Stopping in the doorway Leo's gaze rested on the sleeping form of his colleague. Nikki was sat at the table with her arms on the table and her head rested on top of them as she slept. Approaching her Leo pushed her hair back from her face, shocked at the way her brows were furrowed even in her sleep.

Turning around he spotted Zak walking past the glass window, running after him he stopped the young lab technician. "How long has Nikki been asleep for?"

"Hello to you too," Zak laughed, pulling his earphones out and facing his boss.

"Hello," Leo greeted quickly. "How long has Nikki been asleep?"

Zak frowned at the question. "About half-an-hour, an hour tops," he answered.

"And how was she before that?" Leo asked, not wanting to seem too desperate for information but his concern getting the better of him.

"Determined, like she normally is, she was hunched over the computer for hours working on Baby Faith's reconstruction and then when the stomach contents came back she was focused on that," Zak explained.

Leo nodded. "Right, thank you."

Walking back into the staff room he filled the pot with coffee before switching the kettle on, turning around he was shocked to find Nikki's tired chocolate eyes looking at him in confusion.

"What time is it?" Nikki yawned.

Leo looked up at his watch. "10 o'clock."

"I just closed my eyes for a few moments," Nikki explained.

"Well It's hardly surprising considering the fact you've been up for 36 hours straight," Leo pointed out as he heard the lift doors close, announcing Harry's arrival.

Nikki sat up straight, stretching out her back. "I've tolerated longer."

"It's a difficulty case, emotionally draining some would even say," Leo said, trying to let her know that it was okay to fall apart every once in a while.

"I'm fine Leo," Nikki tried to reassure him before he even had a chance to ask.

Leo nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I know, it doesn't mean I'm going to stop worrying though."

"Leo you'll never guess what SOCO found?" Harry announced excitedly as he entered the staff room.

Stopping abruptly Harry noticed Nikki's presence for the first time since he entered the staff room. "Nikki, hello, I was just saying to Leo-"

"It's alright," Nikki smiled. "I was just leaving anyway, my bed is calling for me and the remaining results won't be back until at least the morning."

"Take your time coming in tomorrow," Leo told her.

Nikki nodded. "Thank you Leo."

Harry waited until she passed him by before gently taking hold of her hand. "Good night," he whispered.

"Night Harry," Nikki replied, smiling gently at him as she made her way towards the locker to get her personal items before heading home.

It was impossible for Harry not to notice the almost deathly pallor to her skin and the haunting dark circles that surrounded her eyes, her lips were bloodless and as she walked away from him he could see the way she was dragging herself as if each step was an effort.

Biting down his concern Harry turned to Leo. "We should start the preliminary post-mortem, the lead detective will be waiting for answers."

Pouring Harry a cup of coffee Leo nodded. "First though I think a coffee is needed, after all it's not going to be far off a 24 hour shift."

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Opening her eyes Nikki felt a sense of calm as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, it took her a few seconds to remember that she was at home in bed, but once she did and her head cleared it was then that she realised just how lousy she felt.

Cataloguing her ailments she started at the top and made her way down; her head was pounding, her throat felt like it was lined with sand paper, whenever she took a deep breath her lungs ached as a loud rattling cough shook her to the core, and her stomach ached painfully just like when she had appendicitis only not quite in the same place.

Looking at the clock she saw that it was only 6 o'clock in the morning, knowing that she would never be able to get back to sleep she dragged her heavy limbs out of bed and into the bathroom. Stepping under the shower she welcomed the momentary respite the steaming jets allowed as the water pounded her aching body.

Stepping out of the shower she wrapped herself in a towel as a series of shattering coughs left her bent double, struggling to catch her breath, sitting on the toilet seat she rubbed at her chest until her breaths evened out.

"Bloody flu," she muttered under her breath as she stood up on shaky legs and opened her bathroom cabinet.

Swallowing 2 ibuprofen and 2 cold and flu tablets she winced as she swallowed them, her already sore throat protesting at the task. Once she felt steady enough on her feet she made her way back into the bedroom, pulling a on her bra and knickers she then selected her comfiest pair of jeans along with a warm, blush pink cashmere sweater and a silk scarf tied around her neck.

Entering the lounge she pulled on a pair of comfy, flat boots before tying her hair back into a messy ponytail and pulling on her jacket. Stepping outside the flat she winced as the cold air hit her. Walking past the Royal Albert Hall she headed towards High Street Kensington, thankful for the fact that there was a Starbucks every 10 minutes in London.

Grateful that there was no queue at this time of the morning Nikki ordered a breakfast muffin and coffee before heading back towards her flat, she was halfway there when a stand of newspapers caught her eye, right on the front of every single one of them was the computer enhanced image of Baby Faith.

Picking up one of each Nikki paid the man behind the counter before heading back towards her car, placing her coffee in the cup holder she took a bite of her muffin before placing it on the seat along with all the newspapers.

Picking up The Sun from the top of the pile she ran her hand over the image that she had created of Baby Faith, there was no denying she was a beautiful child. She had chocolate brown ringlets that when tamed looked like they would frame her porcelain face, her eyes were a dark blue like the midnight sky and Nikki was certain that when she smiled she would have matching dimples.

Reading the article Nikki had to admire the police for what they had chosen to reveal. The police had released only the information that a young child had been found injured, unconscious and abandoned, the article went on to say that she had been taken to a London hospital where she was currently in critical condition.

As the article appealed for anyone that might now something, or know who the injured toddler was it never went on to mention that she had later died, making it a murder investigation.

Skimming through every paper she realised that every article was the same, just telling it from a different angle, The Daily Mail had immediately jumped on the child abuse angle using it to bring previous high profile cases back to the public's conscious, they'd even gone as far as to include a timeline of cases that had shocked the nation.

"Anything for a story," Nikki muttered as she took a large gulp of her coffee, running her hand across her face she realised that on top of the body aches and sore throat she was also running a pretty high fever.

Turning her keys in the ignition she hoped that the ibuprofen and cold and flu tablets would kick in soon, after all the last thing she wanted was Leo worrying about her more than he already was.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Entering the lab Nikki was surprised to find Harry still bent over one of the bodies from yesterday, his ipod blaring through his ear phones as he shuffled his feet to music only he could hear.

Being careful not to disturb him she walked around the lab so that she was facing him before she called out his name. "Harry?"

Looking up Harry smiled at her, the tension momentarily forgotten as he was genuinely pleased to see her. "Morning."

"Have you been here all night?" Nikki asked.

Harry shook his head. "Not really."

"What does not really mean?" Nikki asked with a smile as she took a step closer towards him, gripping her hands in front of her as she waited for him to continue.

"It means I've been in the building all night but not in the lab, I slept for about 5 hours on the couch in Leo's office," Harry explained.

Nodding Nikki looked down at the body in front of her. "Is this one of the multiples from yesterday?"

"Yes, a couple in their early twenties, at the moment it looks like a murder suicide but we're waiting for the conclusive results first," Harry explained.

Pulling off his latex gloves Harry took his apron off before heading into the staffroom where all of the papers Nikki had brought earlier were spread across the table.

"Who is this?" Harry asked, picking up one of the broadsheets.

"That's a computer generated image of Baby Faith, the Jane Doe from hospital," Nikki explained.

Harry frowned at the picture. "Why does she look so familiar?"

"I was working on the picture all of yesterday," Nikki reasoned. "Maybe you saw it in the office somewhere."

Sitting down Harry held the paper up in front of him. "No. I've seen it somewhere else."

"Really?" Nikki questioned, unable to tell if her heart was racing from the adrenaline or fever.

Staring at the picture Harry was trying desperately to place where he had seen the picture before, when it hit him. "I know, I know where I've seen her face before," he announced as he jumped to his feet and headed straight for the evidence room.

Turning on the large screen he opened a folder labelled 'crime scene photos 12012011-1' before scrolling down to the pictures he wanted, enlarging a picture of thr wall he stood back and looked at the picture.

Covering her mouth with her hand Nikki could feel tears starting to pool in the corner of her eyes as she took in the multiple images of Baby Faith, alive happy and smiling at different stages in her life.

"That's her, that's Baby Faith," Nikki muttered.

Harry looked across at his obviously distraught colleague. "The couple from yesterday … they must be her parents," Harry surmised as he took a step towards his colleague.

"What the hell happened in that house," Nikki whispered as both her and Harry stood staring at the screen, neither of them able to tear themselves away from the horror that was presented before them.


	4. Full Of Grace

This story has been planned from start to finish, I know where I want to go and how I will get there, but before writing this chapter I did have a slight crisis of confidence and almost go in a totally new direction. But it didn't last long and I'm back to the original plotline.

Loved this weeks episodes, Harry and Nikki are the cutest and my DVD's of seasons 9-12 arrived from amazon - yippee!

_**4. "I feel just like I'm sinking and I claw for solid ground."**_

Looking at the mass of notes and crime scene photos that sat on the layout table before him Harry yawned, he and Nikki had been going through the evidence from both the scenes for close to 6 hours now.

Entering the room Detective Adams added another file to the pile. "The couple from yesterday was Amanda and Steve Chapman, they were new to the area, which is probably why no one noticed anything sinister had happened."

"Because no one knew them enough to care," Nikki surmised, her voice hoarse and thick with emotion.

Harry rubbed his eyes, desperately trying to fight off the immense fatigue that was threatening to overwhelm him. "How new is new?"

"Less than 6 weeks," Rhys answered, sitting down at the table and helping himself to a pastry from the box before leaning back in the chair.

"And Baby Faith?" Nikki questioned, needing to know who the young girl was.

Finishing his mouthful Rhys sat forward in the chair before opening the file and taking out a large A4 sized portrait picture. "Her name is Sophia Jane Chapman, she was born on the 12th August to Amanda and Steve Chapman, up until 6 weeks ago they lived in West Sussex. We've requested her medical records and those of the family but from our brief conversation with her old nursery and GP she was a happy, well loved, well cared for child."

"So what changed?" Nikki asked, voicing the question on everyone's mind.

Harry picked up a small picture, this one of the whole family sat on a picnic rug, smiling at the camera. "Whatever the story … there certainly was no happy ending."

"What do we know about the deaths of the parents?" Rhys questioned, turning his attention to Harry.

Ripping the last croissant in half Harry handed a piece to Nikki before taking a bite from the other half. "Time of death is the earlier hours of the 11th, anytime between 2am and 7am."

"The call came into 999 about Baby Faith at 23.15 on the 10th of January," Rhys remembered out loud.

"Which would put their time of death at anywhere between 3 and 8 hours after that," Nikki figured out, taking a mouthful of coffee to try and help wash the croissant past her burning throat.

Walking over to the whiteboard Harry started to draw a timeline. "And when did you conclude Baby Faith … Sophia's injuries occurred?"

"No more than 48 hours before she died," Nikki breathed.

"So 24 hours before she was found," Harry said, adding the new information to the timeline.

Nikki was about to say something when she cut short by a loud hacking cough that seemed to send her whole body into spasms, with a shaky hand she picked up the glass of water and swallowed a series of mouthfuls, desperate for some relief to the burning in her lungs. "Sorry," she apologised, her eyes watering as she concentrated on levelling out her breathing.

As he listened to her struggle for air Harry was on his feet and by her side in seconds, his earlier concern doubling with each laboured breath she took.

"That doesn't sound good," Rhys frowned. "You sound like my Uncle Matt and he's a 50-a-day smoke.

Harry glared at the detective. "If you could try and keep your useless comments to yourself it would be greatly appreciated."

"I'm fine," Nikki insisted, as she sat up straight. "And he's right," she added, desperate to keep things civil between the 2 men, with her and Harry already on shaky ground the last thing she needed was a face-off between the pathologist and detective. "Bloody cough does make me sound like a 50-a-day smoker."

Almost instinctively Harry reached out and rested his hand on her shaking shoulders. "Perhaps you should go home, Rhys and I can review the evidence."

"I'm fine," Nikki insisted, although it was obvious to everyone that she was far from fine.

"Fine?" Harry questioned incredulously. "That cough sounds far from fine."

Shaking off his concern Nikki turned her attention to Rhys. "Have we managed to trace any relatives?"

"Amanda has a sister and some of our officers have gone to speak to Steve's parents, they all live in West Sussex," Rhys explained.

"Do we know why they moved?" Nikki asked.

Helping himself to a coffee Rhys stirred in some milk before answering. "Steve was in the RAF, the house they were living in was RAF accommodation, 12 weeks ago he received a dishonourable discharged and Amanda was offered a job in the city so-"

"They left everything they knew behind," Nikki finished for him.

"That must have put a lot of strain on the family," Harry sighed, unable to tear his gaze away from Nikki who seemed to look even paler than she had this morning, something that he hadn't thought possible until now.

Leaning back in her chair Nikki ran her hand tiredly through her hair, alarmed to feel the fever that radiated off of her once again. "Do we know why he was discharged?"

"No, but I have a meeting with his squadron leader tomorrow morning," Rhys replied, unable to miss the obvious tension that existed between the 2 pathologists.

"Do you mind if I tag along?" Nikki asked, desperate to be involved in every part of the investigation.

Rhys nodded. "Sure. I'll be leaving at about 7am to get to the base."

"Pick me up at mine?" Nikki questioned with a smile.

Licking his lips Harry smiled to himself as he saw the way that Nikki was working the detective without him even realising it.

"I'll see you then," Rhys replied, returning the smile as he headed for the door, leaving Nikki and Harry alone once again.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room, as neither of them seemed willing to break until within a second of each other Harry's phone started ringing and Nikki was overtaken by a series of coughs, each one weaker than the next due to the lack of oxygen.

Looking down at his screen Harry saw Emma's name flash up, switching the ring off at the side of the phone he threw it down on the table before turning his attention to Nikki. "You should take the rest of the day off."

"I'm-"

"Fine, so you keep saying but you sound far from fine to me," Harry retorted. "In fact you sound like you have a chest infection," he pointed out as he took in the glazed look in her eyes, a look that he was certain was caused by a fever.

Forcing out an amused laugh Nikki shook her head. "Don't be so dramatic, it's just a virus."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time?" Harry asked, his tone full of exasperation.

"Me stubborn?" Nikki countered. "You're the one who is willing to risk our friendship over a silly little misunderstanding."

Harry turned in his chair so he was facing her. "A misunderstanding? Is that what you call it when you accuse my girlfriend of being a Bunny Boiler?"

"I didn't say that," Nikki wheezed, feeling the last bit of strength drain from her.

"Not in so many words. No, but the implication was there," Harry insisted.

Looking down at her hands Nikki took a series of deep breaths to try and regain some strength. "Are we really going to do this again?"

"No," Harry stated, standing up and pushing the chair back. "In fact I think we're done here," he concluded as he pulled on his jacket.

"But we've still got all of this evidence to review," Nikki called after him.

Turning to face her Harry shrugged his shoulders. "You don't need me … you made that perfectly clear."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nikki asked, but it was too late as Harry was already 3 steps out of the door.

As Harry waited for the lift he felt a twinge of guilt start deep in his stomach, he knew he was being unreasonable but every time he got close to patching things up with Nikki his stubborn pride reared it's head and anger took control. Stepping into the lift he could hear a series of harsh coughs echoing around the lab, leaving him feeling even guiltier as the doors closed behind him.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Rolling over in her bed Nikki felt an unsettling sense of déjà vu as she woke up shivering, her chest burning and sweat dripping down her face. Sitting up she ran her hand over her face to wipe the sweat from her fevered brow.

Standing up she felt oddly light-headed as she stumbled, sitting back down on the edge of her bed, blinking, she felt her breath catch in her throat as she caught sight of the bright red blotches that littered her pillow and t-shirt, only then did she taste the metallic iron in her mouth.

Forcing herself to her feet she took a series of unsteady steps until she was leaning heavily against the sink, looking up into the mirror she immediately concluded that the blood was from a nose bleed.

"It's nothing," she muttered under her breath, trying to reassure herself more than anything else.

Washing her face she opened the cabinet and swallowed 2 paracetemol, pleased that at least she hadn't woken up with a pounding headache, like the one that had been a stable presence in recent mornings.

Taking her bedding off she loaded it into the washing machine, putting on some coffee to brew she headed for the shower, spending a brief 5 minutes under the jets she was careful to avoid getting her hair wet. Noticing the time, she was dressed and had her coffee in a travel mug in under 10 minutes.

She was just about to grab a banana when the buzzer for the front door rang. "Hello," she croaked into the phone.

"It's Rhys," the familiar voice announced.

"I'll be down in a minute," Nikki told him as she grabbed her bag, making sure she had her keys, phone and a top up of paracetemol and ibuprofen.

As Rhys watched Nikki climb into the car he handed her a Starbucks bag with a freshly baked muffin in it. "I saw you eat one yesterday," he shrugged.

"Thank you," Nikki smiled.

"I bet everyone wishes they looked as good as you in the morning," Rhys smiled as he turned the car onto the road.

Blushing beneath the flush of fever Nikki bit her bottom lip. "I don't know about that," she admitted, not exactly feeling her best at the moment.

Deciding that if he didn't ask then he would never know, Rhys decided to bite the bullet and ask about something that had been bothering him since yesterday. "Is there something going on between you and Doctor Cunningham."

"He has a girlfriend," Nikki answered, cradling her coffee in her hands before taking a sip.

"Oh right, it's just …"

Nikki turned to face him. "Just what?"

"Yesterday I could have cut the tension between the two of you with a knife," Rhys explained as he stopped the car at the traffic lights.

Looking out of the side window Nikki watched as the familiar scenery passed her by, trying to keep the tears from falling as she thought of just how painful and complicated things had become between her and Harry.

Closing her eyes she welcomes the momentary quiet before finally opening her mouth to speak. "I … it's complicated … we … I … we used to friends," she whispered, her voice full of pain and longing for the bond they once shared, especially when she desperately craved the comfort his presence usually brought her.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Rhys told her, his voice low and genuine.

Nikki nodded. "It happens."

"If you ever need to talk, or just someone to let your hair down with," Rhys offered as they finally left the familiar streets of Kensington.

Nikki leaned her forehead against the window, welcoming the relief it brought to her burning skin. "That's very sweet of you."

The rest of the journey passed in relative silence as Nikki dozed on and off for most of the way, her body obviously needing the rest. It wasn't until they pulled up outside a small cottage nestled right in the heart of the South Downs that Rhys finally woke her.

"Where are we?" Nikki asked.

"This is where George and Louise Chapman live," Rhys explained.

Nikki nodded. "Steve's parents? I thought your officers already told them."

"Nobody was home," Rhys explained.

Looking over at the house Nikki could see the silhouette of a woman in the downstairs kitchen. "There's somebody home now."

"Are you ready for this?" Rhys asked. "I mean you don't have to come in … it's perfectly understandable if your want to stay in the car."

"No I'll come," Nikki insisted as she followed him up the flower-lined path. "But I'll never be ready … How could you ever be ready? After all we're just about to destroy their lives. They are about to find out that not only have they out lived their child but their grandchild as well."

Rhys cautiously took her hand in his. "It's moments like this that keep me going through the darkest hours, because I know that I need to, that they need me to and that Sophia … she deserves justice, that's why we do this."

"Do you ever think about giving in?" Nikki asked.

"All the time," Rhys admitted.

Nikki turned to face him, her eyes bright and sincere. "Then why don't you."

"Because it's who I am, I don't know anything else," Rhys explained. "What about you? What propels you to come into work everyday, week after week, year after year?"

Looking down at the floor Nikki heard the shuffling of feet. "Because it's all I have, this job is everything I have," she breathed, her voice barely audible as the door swung open and she stepped inside, knowing that in a few moments she was going to change someone's life forever.


	5. Blackbird

AN1. I apologise for the long wait but my power lead was broken and I had to wait for a new one to be delivered before I could turn my laptop on,also I apologise for any misakes but no matter how many times I read it through I just don't see them, argh!

AN2. Woo hoo my place of work was on tonight's Silent Witness - made me squee a little.

_**5. "Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see."**_

Sitting opposite the elderly couple Nikki couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on someone else's personal grief as she felt her eyes begin to water. She could see Rhys's mouth moving but all she could hear was the heartbreaking cry that came from Louise Chapman.

"No, no, no," was all Nikki could hear as the one word was repeated time and time again as Louise pleaded with whatever higher power would listen to bring her family back.

Nikki knew it was hopeless, she knew that Amanda, Steve and Sophia were lost from this world forever, never to be seen or heard again, but as she listened to the broken prayer of a mother and grandmother she couldn't help but pray along with her; however fruitless it may be.

"What … what happened to them?" George asked, finally finding his voice.

Looking towards his friend and work colleague of the last few days Rhys silently gained Nikki's permission before answering the question. "We don't know, Sophia was found first she was … we found her abandoned in a squat nearly 15 miles from where Steve and Amanda where found."

"No," Louise stuttered, finally finding her voice.

Nikki looked up, her chocolate brown eyes almost black with grief. "No what?"

"You're lying, you have to be," Louise added, turning her attention towards the blonde pathologist.

"I'm sorry but those are the facts, there's no reason for us to lie," Nikki softly informed her.

Shaking her head Louise stood up and walked over to the fireplace where an ornate golden frame sat. "Look at them."

When Nikki didn't move Louise took a step towards her and placed the picture into her hands. "You look at the picture, look my family in the face and then tell me again how they abandoned their child … a child who meant everything to them, a child they would die for."

"I can only tell you what happened. I'm sorry," Nikki apologised, recognising the picture as the some one from the house.

"Mandy and Stevie they would … never would they … Sophie was their world there is no way they would ever leave her, they just wouldn't," Louise sobbed, holding the picture close to her chest.

Taking hold of his wife's hand, George turned towards Rhys. "I need you to find out why this happened to them. To us."

"We will do everything in our power to discover the truth. But in order to know how they died first we need to know how they lived," Rhys explained.

George nodded. "We'll tell you anything you need to know."

"When did you last speak to Steve or Amanda?" Rhys asked.

"Saturday morning," George answered.

Rhys quickly did the calculations in his head. "The 8th?"

"Yes," Louise breathed. "It was early about 7 in the morning, I remember because I was listening to the breakfast news and Stevie teased me about being predictable."

Sitting forward on the sofa Rhys looked between the couple. "What did you talk about?"

"Erm Steve had to go to Hatfield to the headquarters of a security company, he had a job interview there later that day," Louise began. "We were going to have Sophia and they were going to stay over night in a hotel, it would have been the first time they had both been away from Sophia at the same time since she was born."

"But Sophia wasn't with you," Rhys pointed out. "So what changed?"

Louise looked down at her hands. "My niece, Steve's cousin lives not far from them in Wood Green, she agreed to have Sophie for them so they wouldn't have to drive down here and then to Hatfield."

"And that was the last time you spoke to them?" Rhys asked.

"Yes," Louise cried.

Rhys waited for her to compose herself. "And you didn't notice anything out of the ordinary?"

"No, everything was normal, Stevie was playful and teasing, he was hopeful, I could even hear Soph singing in the background she was watching the chef programme that she loves, the one with little person in it," Louise remembered, her heart breaking at the realisation that this had now become her last memory of her family.

"Do you know if they left Sophia with this cousin?" Nikki asked, trying to ignore the way her vision was starting to swim.

George nodded. "Yes. At least I'm 99% certain they did because I was speaking to Howard, Lisa's father, and he was telling me about a conversation he'd had with Lisa Monday morning, she told him that her and Soph were going to make cakes."

"Lisa is Steven's cousin?" Rhys asked.

"Yes," Louise breathed.

"Do you have contact details for her?" Nikki questioned, clenching her hands in her lap to try and stop them from shaking, she was pretty certain from the way her whole body ached that he fever was back with a vengeance.

The details were given and stilted pleasantries were swapped as Rhys and Nikki made to leave, as they were halfway up the garden path Louise stopped them, her eyes wide and pleading.

"Any news, anything at all and you'll let us know. Please?" she pleaded.

"I promise," Nikki whispered, not breaking eye contact with the older woman until she was back inside the house.

As they reached the car Rhys watched as Nikki leaned heavily against the passenger's side, her whole body quivering wit the effort it seemed to be taking to just stay standing.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"No, I don't think I am," Nikki admitted, knowing it would take more strength than she had to lie.

Wordlessly Rhys helped into the passengers seat, handing her a bottle of water he watched as she took a series of small sips before leaning her head against the seat. "Flu," she muttered, feeling the need to explain. "Sorry," she wheezed, closing her eyes.

"You haven't got the swine flu have you?" Rhys asked.

Nikki couldn't help but smile at the panic in his voice. "No. Probably just boring, old influenza."

"You're the doctor," Rhys shrugged. "And no need to apologise for being sick, it happens to the toughest of us."

Nodding her head Nikki felt her head swim as the car started, licking at her dry lips she struggled to remember when she had ever felt as sick as she did now. As she fell into a restless sleep the only person on her mind was Harry and how she wanted to curl up in his arms and let him put all of that medical training to use as he nursed her back to health.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Looking up at the clock Harry watched as Rhys had a heated argument with someone on the phone, whilst he tried not to notice that Nikki was nearly 2 hours late**.**

"I have to go, my officers went to Steve's cousins house and they no one was home, it seems like they left in a rush," Rhys explained as he left Harry and Leo alone.

"The plot thickens," Leo sighed as he looked up at the hand written timeline.

Standing up Harry paced in front of the board. "Have you heard from Nikki?"

"What?" Leo asked, Harry's panicked voice breaking him out of his daydream.

"Nikki, you know blonde, about so high," Harry said, holding his hand just out. "Is quite good at reconstructing faces and really should be here to by now."

Leo shook his head. "No I haven't heard from her."

"Don't you find that a bit strange?" Harry questioned.

"Yes. I guess," Leo nodded, feeling Harry's panic begin to rub off on him.

"I mean Nikki is always punctual, it's not like her," Harry added, feeling his panic increase with each minute that passed.

Leo turned to face his friend and colleague. "I'm sure she has a good reason."

"I'm going to ring her," Harry announced nearly knocking a chair over as he lunged for the phone.

Knowing that this was something Harry needed to do Leo left him to it and headed to make a coffee. He knew that the young, male pathologist was feeling guilty over the recent estrangement between him and Nikki, a guilt that was helping to fuel his concern.

"There's no answer," Harry announced as he bounded towards Leo.

"She's probably on her way," Leo reasoned.

Harry shook his head. "No, that's not it, something's not right."

"You're over reacting," Leo softly told him, trying to make Harry see sense. "You feel guilty over the way you've been treating her lately and now you're overcompensating."

"Thank you Oprah," Harry snapped.

"I-"

Shaking his head Harry cut him off. "Maybe that is the case, But that doesn't change the fact that something isn't right with Nikki. You didn't see her Leo she looked …"

"Why don't you go ad see if she's alright," Leo suggested, knowing that if Harry didn't he would be no use to anyone until he had seen Nikki was alright for himself.

Harry stopped pacing and turned to face him. "What about the meeting?"

"I can cope," Leo insisted.

"Are you sure?" Harry checked, although he already had one foot out of the door.

Leo nodded. "I'm sure," he smiled tightly as he watched Harry leave, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach, despite his protestations of seconds ago.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Banging loudly on the door Harry called out her name, he could hear the blood rushing in his ears as another minute passed without an answer. He had seen her car outside she he knew she was here, what he didn't know though was why she wasn't answering him.

"Nikki," Harry yelled as his fist banged heavily against the door.

Stepping backwards Harry waited, watching the door for any signs of movement, when another 2 minutes had passed without any he stepped forward again, only this time instead of knocking he pulled out his mobile phone and dialled her number.

"Nikki, it's Harry. Look I know I'm hardly you're favourite person right now but I'm worried. Please open the door … It's the only way to make me go away."

Inside the flat Nikki's eyes fluttered open as she heard the phone ring off, through her blurred vision she could just about make out that she was in her bedroom, lying on the rug.

Shakily she pulled herself to her feet as her chest ached with the effort of everything. "Harry," she wheezed.

Stumbling over her own feet she headed in the direction of the living room as she heard someone knocking on her front door. It was only then that she realised the banging of earlier hadn't been a product of her fever addled mind, and it had actually been someone at her door.

"Harry," she repeated as if it was the only word she could manage.

Her legs felt like jelly and each step made the pounding in her head and the aching of her neck intensify.

Reaching the sofa she leaned against it for a few minutes as she tried to catch her breath, it took a few minutes before she finally felt like she had the strength to continue. It was only a further 9 steps to the door but by the time Nikki reached it she felt like she had run the London marathon.

Opening the door, her vision was swimming so much that she could barely make out Harry's worried face.

"Harry?"

"Yes," Harry whispered as she stumbled forward, catching her in his arms he tried to hide his panic as he helped her back into the house.

Sitting her down on the sofa he knelt in front of her as he examined her from top to bottom. Her face was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and her eyes glassy with fever, her breaths were slow and laboured, her skin was ashen and he could feel that heat radiating off of her.

"I've got you," Harry reassured her as he held her in his arms he could hear her struggle for each breath.

Closing her eyes Nikki relaxed into him. "Harry … I … hot …"

"Right. I think we need to get you to a hospital," Harry told her, his voice sounding calmer than he felt.

"No, sleep, here," Nikki insisted, despite her weakened state.

Harry was just about to give in and take her to her bed when his eyes caught sight of her half-exposed stomach, pulling up her shirt he felt his heart skip a beat as he saw the angry purple rash that marred her usually perfect skin.

"Oh my God," he breathed.

"Harry," Nikki wheezed.

Standing up Harry lifted her up with ease as he carried her out of the door and towards his car, it was only as she was being lowered into the passenger seat that Nikki seemed to realise she wasn't in her flat anymore.

"Where are we?" Nikki asked, sounding more coherent with those 3 words than she had in the last 30 minutes.

"My car," Harry replied as he climbed into the drivers seat.

Wincing against the daylight Nikki closed her eyes. "Turn the light off."

Feeling his panic rise Harry quickly started the car and headed in the direction of the nearest hospital. "I'll turn it off soon," he said, needing to feel like he was doing something.

As they stopped at a set of traffic lights Harry glanced over at Nikki, watching as she struggled to stay awake he couldn't help but realise that she looked even worse in the harsh light of day that she had in the softly lit flat. Her skin was ashen, her lips void of colour and the purple marks that littered her skin seemed to be taunting him with there presence.

"I don't feel so good," Nikki stuttered, as she tried to sit up, suddenly more awake that she had been.

Reaching out Harry rested his hand on hers. "I know Nik. But it's alright, we'll be at the hospital soon."

Nodding Nikki leaned her head back against the seat, she felt like she was stuck in a vortex, with each part of her body spinning at a different rate.

"Talk to me Nikki," Harry pleaded, not wanting her to go completely unconscious on him.

Worried by the lack of panic Harry felt himself begin to panic even more, as they pulled up at yet another traffic light he reached over and felt her pulse. It was weak and rapid beneath his fingertips like the fluttering wings of a butterfly, and her breathing was fact and shallow, the doctor in Harry knew this was a very bag sign.

"Don't do this to me Nikki," Harry begged.

The rest of the journey passed in a blur as Harry concentrated on getting Nikki to the hospital as quickly and safely as possible. One they reached the doors of UCLH he was out of the car in seconds, gently lifting her into his arms as he headed for the emergency department.

"I'm sorry," Nikki breathed as she closed her eyes against the harsh halogen lights.

"Sh," Harry soothed. "You've got nothing to be sorry for."

Nikki tried to open her eyes but she couldn't, so instead she turned her head and rested it against Harry's shoulder, feeling comforted by his presence. "Sorry … Emma … didn't mean too … friend … worry …"

"It's alright, it's all forgotten we just need to concentrate on getting you better and then we'll worry about everything else," Harry whispered as he approached the front desk, the receptionist took one look at the woman in his arms and led him through to an assessment area.

As she was laid down on the cold, hard, hospital trolley Nikki reached out blindly for him. "Harry."

"I'm here," he reassured her, taking her hand in his.

As doctors and nurses started to crowd around her Nikki tightened her grip on Harry's hand as she felt an oxygen mask placed over her face and cold leads on her chest, barely wincing as IV lines were placed into her arms she opened her eyes and looked towards Harry. "Stay," she breathed.

"I'm not going anywhere," Harry vowed as he watched her eyes flutter shut once again. "And you'd better not be going anywhere either," he demanded as he tried to shut out what was happening all around him and concentrate only on Nikki. Because in that moment ensuring that she was alright was the only thing that mattered.


	6. Everybody Hurts

I know this episode is very heavy on the medical terminology but I felt like it needed to be there, there will be a few more chapters that are also quite medical heavy before the story ends but I will try and make them as accurate as possible.

_**6**_. _**"When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on, don't let yourself go, 'cos everybody cries, and everybody hurts, sometime."**_

Holding Nikki's hand tightly in his Harry ignored the nurses as they pleaded with him to move, the rational part of his brain knew he was in the way, but the other part, the bigger part, couldn't break it's promise of just seconds earlier. So instead he tried to make himself as small as possible as the emergency team continued to work around him.

"Temp is 39.4."

"O2 levels are 90% in 15litres."

"She's barely shifting any air we need a chest x-ray now."

"Tachycardic at 145, we need to get some fluids into her and put a rush on those blood results. Now."

"There's a large purpuric rash to the abdomen and I can feel a spleen. We don't have time to wait for the cross match I need 4 units now."

Closing his eyes Harry tried to block out what was happening around him and concentrate only on Nikki's hand in his, but that became impossible when he heard the doctor utter the truth he had been trying to ignore.

"I think we're looking at meningococcal septicaemia, we need to get antibiotics and blood into her now," the lead doctor announced.

"No," Harry muttered, shaking his head, this couldn't be happening, not now and not to Nikki.

Immediately the doctor was at his side as everyone else followed his orders in the bid to save Nikki's life. "How long has Ms Alexander been unwell for?"

"Er a few days … maybe a week … I don't know," Harry admitted, the guilt eating away at him.

The doctor nodded. "And she's normally well? No chronic medical problems?"

"No, she's perfect," Harry cried, the gravity of the situation finally becoming more than he could handle.

"And she's not allergic to any medication that you know of?" the doctor asked.

Harry shook his head. "No nothing."

With a silent nod he gave one of his colleagues the go ahead to push the antibiotics before turning his attention to his patient's distraught companion. "We'll need to wait for the bloods … and probably do an LP when she's more stable but I think we're looking at meningococcal septicaemia, Ms Alexander is showing all of the signs of septic shock as well as the early stages of DIC, that's-"

"I know what it is," Harry snapped. "I'm a doctor … we both are."

"Right," the consultant nodded. "Then as I'm sure you're aware Dr. Alexander is in a very serious conditions, the next hours will be crucial."

Turning his attention back to Nikki he nodded, leaning down so that he was whispering in her ear. "You hear that Nikki? The next few hours are crucial so I need you to put that stubborn steak of yours to good use and fight this. Understand?"

"Understand," Nikki croaked, letting Harry know that she was still there, still hanging on albeit by a very thin thread.

The sound of her voice was like music to his ears as Harry gently stroked her hair back from her face. "You didn't have to go to such lengths to get my attention Niks."

Closing her eyes Nikki licked her lips under the oxygen mask. "I-"

"Because you've always had it," Harry added with a whisper.

A new wave of commotion seemed to ripple through the resuscitation room as a technician arrived with the blood and the nurses started hooking it up to one of Nikki's IV lines.

Taking a step back from the commotion the doctor began to reassess his patients condition whilst a portable x-ray was taken of her chest.

"Oxygen levels are still low, page the anaesthetist as we might have to start thinking about more adequate respiratory support," he said, his eyes never leaving his patient.

"You want to ventilate her?" Harry asked, his voice full of panic.

The doctor drew Harry's attention to the monitor recording Nikki's vitals. "It might be our only option."

"Leo, I need to call Leo," Harry muttered, knowing that Nikki would want him there and also needing the support and input of his friend and colleague.

"There's a family room next door, you can use your phone there," one of the nurses told him.

Harry nodded before gently leaning down so that he could whisper in Nikki's ear. "I'll be back in seconds," he reassured her as he slowly let go of her hand.

"Sick," Nikki muttered, scrambling with the oxygen mask as she leaned towards the side of the bed and wretched violently,

All thoughts of calling Leo were forgotten as Harry rushed back to Nikki's side and rubbed gentle circles across her back as she brought up what little was in her stomach.

"The antibiotics we're giving her can cause vomiting," one of the nurses told him, not wanting to panic him more.

"Hear that Nikki, it's just the antibiotics," Harry told her, although her gaze was so unfocused he wasn't sure how aware she really was.

Rolling back over Nikki closed her eyes as someone readjusted her oxygen mask whilst the consultant looked at the x-ray.

"Her left lung is practically a white out, no wonder she's hardly shifting any air," he frowned as he took in the image before him.

"May I?" Harry asked.

The doctor nodded, stepping aside so that Harry could see the computer screen. "I'll leave it up, I'm going to go and chase the blood results."

Looking at the black and white image of Nikki's lungs Harry couldn't help but wonder how she had still been standing right until yesterday. "Stubborn fool," he muttered under his breath as he looked at the woman on the bed.

Walking back to the bed Harry picked up her hand once again. "I'm so sorry I've been such a fool these last few weeks. I was just proud, and angry with myself because I realised that you know me better than I do. I know it's selfish but I need you in my life Nikki Alexander, so don't go giving up on me. Ever."

"Sleep," Nikki mumbled, almost as if she was asking his permission to give in to the overwhelming exhaustion that she had been fighting.

Kissing her burning hot forehead gently Harry nodded. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

In a dream like state Harry walked into the family room, sitting down on the sofa he took a series of deep breath as he fought back the tears, the emotion and pain of the day finally catching up with him.

Pulling out his mobile phone he speed dialled Leo's number. "Leo," Harry sobbed down the phone.

"Harry?" Leo questioned, immediately sensing the absolute anguish in Harry's tone.

"It's Nikki," Harry finally managed to choke out. "She's sick Leo, really sick."

Leo balanced his phone under his chin as he saved his work and grabbed his keys. "Where are you?"

"UCLH," Harry cried.

"I'm on my way," Leo informed him as he locked the building behind him.

Hanging up the phone Harry held his head in his hands, trying to gain control of his emotions he ignored the multiple missed calls from Emma, she could wait, right now Nikki needed him and he intended to be here for her, every step of the way.

"Pull yourself together Harry Cunningham," he muttered under his breath, trying to get a grip, Nikki needed him to stay strong right now, he could fall apart later.

Standing up Harry ran his hands down his trousers as he walked back into the resuscitation room, alarmed to find a flurry of activity around Nikki. "What's happening?" he demanded to know.

"We got the blood test results back," the doctor explained, stepping away from the bed.

"And," Harry prodded, needing to know what they knew.

The doctor looked across at Harry. "Do you want me to speak to you like a doctor or a relative?"

"Doctor," Harry insisted, needing to know everything.

The doctor moved Harry even further away from the drama that was unravelling around Nikki's bedside. He could see the young man's reluctance to leave his friend but he needed to be able to talk to him away from the action.

"As expected Nikki's clotting factors were all over the place," the doctor began.

Harry nodded. "DIC?"

"Yes," he agreed. "What we weren't expecting however was the rest of the full blood count results. Her haemoglobin level was dangerously low 3.4-"

"That could be a direct result of the sepsis and DIC," Harry reasoned.

The doctor nodded. "It could, but her platelets were only 7 - which yes, that could also be the result of DIC and sepsis - however a white cell count of 219 with circulating peripheral blast-"

"No, no, no," Harry stammered, not liking where the doctor was going.

Stepping towards the bed Harry watched as blood and platelet infusions were set up whilst in the centre of all of the drama Nikki slept, oblivious to the latest development.

"No," Harry repeated, refusing to believe the truth he was being confronted with. He had only just started to wrap his head around the fact that Nikki could have meningitis only to have his world turned upside down again as a different evil emerged.

The doctor could see the young man's internal struggle. "I'm sorry but I'm afraid it looks like we're not dealing with meningitis after all, but rather a very atypical presentation of acute leukaemia."

"But the rash, the sepsis, the DIC it all looks like meningococcal septicaemia," Harry stammered, he didn't want it to be either but meningitis felt like the lesser of 2 evils in that very moment.

"I've contacted one of our oncology specialists down for a consult until then-"

Harry cut the doctor off mid sentence. "But you must have some idea, I mean when you hear hooves think horses right?"

"Right," the doctor agreed.

"So why are we suddenly faced with zebras?" Harry needed to know.

The doctor considered his words carefully before speaking. "We won't know for certain until we get a bone marrow biopsy and run the cytogenics but due to the way Dr. Alexander has presented with the low platelets and DIC I can only assume that we may be dealing with acute promyelocytic leukaemia."

"Oh God … Nikki," Harry whispered, his voice nothing more than a heartbroken whisper.

"As soon as we have Dr. Alexander stabilised we'll be moving her to one of the high dependency rooms on the oncology ward, we have one of the best cancer centres in the UK here," the doctor told him, trying to allow him some hope.

Harry shook his head, trying to clear the cotton wool that seemed to have taken over his brain. "I know that. I know all of that but what I need to know … what I don't know is … how do we … how do I tell her?"

"We can tell her for you," the doctor offered.

"No," Harry sobbed. "I should do it, I should be the one to tell her … it should come from someone she knows … someone who cares … loves her."

Walking back over to his patient the doctor left Harry alone, however he wasn't alone for long as just minutes later a terrified looking Leo came running into the room, stopping in his tracks as he spotted his critically ill colleague.

"Harry?" Leo called out, as he approached the younger pathologist.

Harry felt his legs almost buckle under him as he approached his friend and mentor. "Leo. Nikki, she's …"

"It's going to be alright," Leo tried to reassure him, although as he caught sight of Nikki out the corner of his eye he struggled to believe his own words.

"No, nothing is alright, it's wrong all wrong," Harry stammered, struggling over his words.

Leo carefully led Harry towards the back of the room, he knew from past experiences that they had a family room just off to the side. "Coffee. Let's get you a coffee."

"I don't want a coffee," Harry said, sitting down on the well-worn sofa. "I want to wake up and find out that this is all some horrible nightmare.

Leo subconsciously paced the floor in front of Harry. "What do they think is wrong?"

"Nikki," Harry stammered.

"Yes with Nikki," Leo added, trying to bring Harry back from the edge of despair.

Looking down at his hands Harry suddenly realised how empty they felt now he no longer held Nikki's hand in his. "Her blood … DIC … shock … Nikki …"

"How? I don't understand," Leo worried, his concern for his colleague almost overwhelming him.

"That's because it doesn't make any sense, no of it makes any bloody sense, it's senseless," Harry rambled, standing up and kicking his feet angrily against the sofa.

Grabbing hold of Harry's arm Leo stopped his frantic rambling. "Harry, why is all of this happening?"

"Meningitis that's what they thought," Harry sighed heavily.

"DIC, meningitis … she's got meningococcal septicaemia," Leo figured, putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with the same conclusion the doctors had.

Harry shook his head. "No. That's what they thought but the bloods didn't match and she had blasts, it's leukaemia, acute leukaemia and the doctor he thinks it's APML because of the -"

"Because of the clotting abnormalities," Leo finished for him.

Almost shadowing each other both men slumped down on the sofa as they struggled to face the reality of the situation.

"What happens now?" Leo asked.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. But I do know one thing for sure; whatever happens, whatever Nikki needs I'm going to be there for her, these last few weeks have been hell and I don't care what anyone says or who it upsets but Nikki has to come first. She comes first."

"Nikki first," Leo agreed, his heart breaking at the devastating diagnosis that had been dealt the young pathologist who he loved and cared for like she was his own.

Leo didn't want to have to think of the possibility of Nikki no longer being in his life, but as he watched Harry struggle to control his grief at the situation he couldn't help but fear that if something happened to Nikki the world would lose not 1 but 2 brilliant pathologists.


	7. Count On Me

_**7. "Count on me through thick and thin, a friendship I will never end, when you are weak I will be strong, helping you to carry on." **_

It had been 14 hours and 11 minutes since Nikki had been moved into one of the high dependency rooms on the oncology floor and through it all Harry had refused to leave Nikki's side, terrified that she would wake up alone.

Nikki, for her part however had slept through all of it, her body obviously needing the rest to prepare for the battle ahead.

Leaning back in the chair Harry studied her carefully, after 4 units of blood and a few pools of platelets her cheeks had started to regain a little colour, her lips however still remained as bloodless as before. Her temperature had settled to a manageable rate and her breathing was still laboured, although not as dangerously as before.

On oxygen mask sat over her face, ECG leads snaked in and out of her like a spiders web, tangling her in their midst and IV lines pierced her once perfect skin delivering the medication and fluids needed to prepare her body for the battle ahead.

"How is she?" Leo asked as he entered the room, carefully balancing 2 coffees in one hand as he carried an overnight bag for Nikki in the other.

Harry looked up, smiling gratefully as he took the cup from Leo. "Stable. Sleeping. Oblivious."

"Have the doctors said anything more?" Leo wondered, as he sat down across from Harry.

Taking a mouthful of coffee Harry shook his head. "No, there's not really anything else they can do until Nikki wakes up, they need her consent before they perform any more tests."

"Right," Leo breathed.

Harry's phone vibrated on the table next to Leo, instinctively he reached over and picked it up. "26 missed calls and 19 messages," he read, handing the phone to him.

"It's no one important," Harry shrugged, his gaze never moving from Nikki as he dropped his phone back on to the table.

"Emma will be worried," Leo started, trying to figure out where Harry's head was at.

Blinking slowly Harry watched as a nurse recorded Nikki's vitals before continuing. "I sent her a text, told her I had an emergency and that I wouldn't be around for a while."

"Don't you think she deserves more than that?" Leo asked.

"I don't have any more to give, not right now, not when Nikki needs me," Harry insisted, his tone making it obvious that he wasn't ready to say anymore on the subject.

The room settled into a comfortable silence as Leo pulled a forensic journal out of his bag and settled back in the chair to read it, whilst opposite him Harry resumed his previous position next to Nikki.

They stayed like that until a small moan could be heard from the bed, the sound was muffled by the oxygen mask but it was clearly Nikki.

"Nikki," Harry whispered, leaning forward.

Blinking rapidly Nikki smiled at the image of Harry hovering over her as her vision began to clear. "Hey," she greeted, pulling the oxygen mask down off of her face.

"Hey," Harry echoed.

"What happened?" Nikki asked.

Carefully Harry replaced the oxygen mask. "You had one too many cosmopolitans and passed out in the lab."

"Funny," Nikki breathed.

"I found you at your flat," Harry began to explain, his false bravado disappearing as he faced the daunting task of informing Nikki of the diagnosis. In his job he had delivered bad news many times, but this was different, this was someone he knew, someone he loved.

Nikki tried to remember back to that moment but everything was fuzzy around the edges, like an old home movie that had been played too many times. "I don't remember."

"I'm not surprised," Harry smiled sadly. "You were pretty out of it when I found you, you had a temperature of nearly 40 degrees and you were hypoxic."

"Hypoxic … I … why?" Nikki frowned, beginning to panic about the fact that she appeared to have lost a whole chunk of time.

Harry stood up and took her hand in his, trying to calm her panic a little. "You have a nasty chest infection."

"Flu?" Nikki asked.

More than anything Harry wanted to say yes, he wanted it to be nothing more than a nasty strain of influenza that had travelled to her lungs, because right now anything would be better than the reality.

"No," Harry breathed, his voice barely audible above the sounds of the hospital.

"What aren't you telling me?" Nikki asked, she had always been able to tell when Harry was hiding something from her.

Harry looked towards Leo for support. "I-"

"Harry. You're scaring me," Nikki stammered, pulling the oxygen mask off, needing to make herself heard.

Nodding Harry lifted her hand up to his face and kissed it. "You've got to understand that when I brought you in it was bad. You were in a bad way Nikki, the doctors they thought you had meningitis-"

"Meningitis?" Nikki questioned, her voice full of alarm.

"That's what they thought," Harry remembered. "You had this purpuric rash and you were in the early stages of DIC and-"

Trying to push herself up into a sitting position Nikki felt her frustration grow as she realised just how weakened she really was. "What is it Harry? What's wrong with me?"

"Like a doctor?" Harry questioned.

Nikki nodded, knowing exactly what Harry was asking. "Like a doctor."

"When your blood test results came back they realised that it wasn't meningitis they were dealing with. Your clotting was deranged and you had dangerously low haemoglobin and platelets," Harry explained, pausing to give her a chance to digest everything,

"The DIC-"

"Would explain that, I know," Harry agreed. "What it wouldn't explain however was the white cell count of 219 and the high percentage of circulating blast cells. What would explain them however is an acute form of …"

She could see that Harry was struggling to say it, the dreaded diagnosis that no one wanted. "Leukaemia. I have leukaemia."

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered.

"Er-"

Not knowing what to say or do Harry did the only thing he could think of and he held her hand close to his heart, letting her know that he was there and he wasn't going anywhere.

"Do they know any more than that?" Nikki asked, even though she'd only been awake for a matter of minutes she was exhausted already.

"They think you have APML, DIC is more unique to APML than any other form of acute leukaemia," Harry informed her.

Dropping her head back down to the pillow Nikki closed her eyes. "Sophia … do we know what happened? Has Rhys spoken to Lisa?"

"You don't need to worry about that, not anymore," Harry tried to reassure her.

"Yes I do," Nikki insisted. "I need to know what happened to her, it's my case, it's my case Harry, I need to finish it."

Knowing that this was something Nikki needed to do Leo made his presence known. "I'll phone Rhys, see if he has any new information."

"Thank-you," Nikki smiled sadly, as her and Harry were left alone.

Watching as Nikki's face remained stoic and void of emotion Harry started to become concerned about her lack of reaction. "It's alright to cry."

"I don't want to cry," Nikki answered, her voice never wavering.

"And it's alright to be angry," Harry continued, as Nikki just stared blankly at the ceiling.

Nikki turned her head to face him, her face expressionless. "I'm not angry, there's no point in being angry."

Leaning back in the chair Harry swallowed past the lump in his throat as he tried to fight back the tears, seeing the emptiness in her usually emotive chocolate brown eyes was as if there was a violation in nature; the tides frozen, the stars nailed to the sky whilst the moon wept far from sight. It just didn't feel right, but then nothing about this situation did.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Opening his eyes Harry winced at the bright sunlight that filtered in through the crack in the blinds. Hearing the door behind him he turned his head to find Leo and Janet entering the room.

"How is she?" Leo asked, placing a duffle bag down on the small sofa that sat at the far edge of the room.

"Her consultant, Dr. Alex Michaels has started her on leukopharesis, they've also decided to start her on ATRA-"

Leo frowned. "Even before getting the definitive diagnosis?"

"Yes," Harry breathed. "She thinks it would be more damaging to wait, so they've started her on that, they took a bone marrow aspirate and CSF sample a few hours ago, so we should have a definite result soon anyway."

Janet took Leo's hand in hers. "How is Nikki coping with it?"

"She's pretty out if it, I don't think she really knows what's going on, they gave her a sedative for the aspirate and that combined with the illness and drugs they've been pumping her with has really knocked her out," Harry guessed, picking up his still warm coffee.

Sitting down in one of the empty chairs Leo's gaze flitted between Harry and Nikki. "Has anyone called her father?"

"No, I haven't," Harry sighed.

"Do you think we should?" Leo queried.

Harry shook his head. "No, at least not until Nikki says she wants him informed."

From her place on the bed Nikki could hear muffled voiced floating around her, she immediately recognised Leo and Harry but it took her a while longer to put a name to the female voice.

"Harry," Nikki croaked.

Standing up Harry moved to the top of the bed. "Nice of you to join us," he smiled.

"How come every time I open my eyes you're here?" Nikki asked with a smile.

"Because I have nothing better to do with my time," Leo joked. "At least this way it makes it look like I have a life outside of work."

Licking her dry, cracked lips she pulled down the oxygen mask. "Glad to be of assistance."

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked, pleased to see her smile for what felt like the first time in days.

"Tired," Nikki admitted.

Leo nodded, moving so that he was stood opposite Harry. "I'm not surprised, you're body has taken quite a hammering over the last 24 hours."

Shifting uncomfortably in the bed Nikki winced at the ache that had taken up residence in all of her bones. "And it's only just begun."

Entering the room Dr. Alexandra 'Alex' Michaels was please to see her patient awake, since she had taken over Nicola Alexander's case just under a day ago she had barely had the chance to say 2 words to her.

"Nicola Alexander?" she questioned, approaching the bed.

Blinking slowly Nikki nodded. "Nikki. Yes."

"I'm Dr. Alex Michaels, I'm going to be the consultant in charge of coordinating your treatment," she explained, taking the seat by the head of the bed.

"Then I guess we're going to be spending a lot of time together over the coming months," Nikki smiled, trying to feel as at ease as possible in such an alien situation.

Alex nodded. "That we will."

Desperate to pull herself into a sitting position Nikki groaned in frustration when her aching body wouldn't comply.

"Here, let me," Harry offered as he moved her slightly up the bed before moving the electric, hospital bed into a sitting position so that Nikki could feel more in control.

"Thank-you," Nikki smiled.

From their place in the room Leo turned to Janet as they silently communicated with each other before Leo spoke. "We're going to head to the canteen, get a coffee."

"I'll come with you," Harry offered, after the way things had been between him and Nikki lately the last thing he wanted to do was outstay his welcome, especially when she was at her most vulnerable.

"No," Nikki almost shrieked. "Please Harry, stay," she pleaded.

Smiling a sigh of relief Harry sat down in the chair. "Of course."

"We'll be back later," Leo assured them as he followed Janet out of the room leaving Nikki and Harry alone with the consultant.

Standing up the doctor closed the door before addressing her patient. "We have all of your tests results back," she began.

"And?" Nikki breathed, drawing the word out as much as possible to delay the inevitable.

"They all confirm that we are in fact dealing with the M3 subtype of AML; acute promyelocytic leukaemia, the cytogenics and bone marrow aspirate were conclusive, now due to the atypical presentation and your dangerously high white cell count I fell that we need to start treatment as soon as the leukaphersis is finished," the doctor explained.

"Ok," Nikki agreed, too shocked to say anything else.

Harry could see that Nikki was struggling with her emotions too much to ask the important questions. "What treatment are we looking at?"

"I think that we should start you on the AML 17 protocol, it's the most commonly used one for AML and APML with very promising results, 85% of patients have been shown to achieve complete remission," Alex tried to reassure her patient.

"What am I looking at?" Nikki asked.

The doctor gave Nikki a few seconds to compose herself before speaking. "The protocol consists of 4 cycles of intensive chemotherapy and ATRA treatment, each cycle will be up to 10 days of chemotherapy but probably about a 3-6 weeks stay in hospital as your counts recover and we monitor the side effects,"

"So we're looking at 6 months of feeling like crap?" Nikki asked bitterly.

The doctor nodded. "Minimum. Yes."

"And if it doesn't work?" Nikki needed to know.

Harry leaned forward resting his hand on Nikki's. "We'll cross that bridge when and if we come to it."

"When do we start?" Nikki asked.

"I'd like to get a central line placed tonight," the doctor began. "And then tomorrow, if your white cell count in less than 10 I'd like to get started. Now this first cycle will be chemotherapy every other day for 4 doses and ATRA twice daily, orally, until your blood tests show complete remission. Also because if your high white cell count we need to add Rasburicase and Mylotarg on days 1 and 4," she concluded.

Nikki nodded. "Ok. Sounds reasonable."

"We'll bring in a full copy of the protocol we'll be starting you on when we consent you, but as I tell all of my patients it really is best to take it one step at a time," Alex advised, knowing from experience that those who did, coped better.

"First step-"

Harry brought her hand up to his mouth. "We need to get that white cell count below 10."

"Then let's do it," Nikki smiled tightly.

"Let's do it," Harry echoed, kissing her hand.

Looking up at her friend Nikki smiled, a small ghost of a smile that barely reached her eyes. "I'm tired."

"Then sleep," Harry whispered.

"Harry … will you …," Nikki mumbled, as her heavy eyes closed.

Harry pulled his chair close to the bed. "I'll be here when you wake up. And every other step of the way," he reassured her as he watched her finally give in to sleep.


	8. Rain City

Thank you to everyone that has replied to this story, each one really means a lot. I've had a crazy week at work so for the first time don't have any chapters written in advance, so I apologise if the updates are a bit slower.

_**8. "Help me now, or hold me down, I feel my world is spiralling, tumbling down. Oh my love I can't let go, something's wrong I can't let go, nature's cruel; she's laughing."**_

Sitting up on the large hospital bed Nikki tried to focus on anything but the bag of highly toxic liquid that was slowly beginning to make it's way into her system. Something about the whole moment seemed very anticlimactic.

"Is it alright if I come in?" Rhys asked, knocking on the half-open door.

Flashing him a genuine smile Nikki nodded. "Of course."

"Leo … he … her-"

"It's ok," Nikki reassured him, understanding how difficult it might be for people to know what to say in a situation like this.

Cautiously Rhys approached the bed, a large folder tucked safely under his arm. "He also said that you were quite keen for an update on the Chapman case."

"Please," Nikki nodded, desperate for some information.

"Just a few hours ago Leo and Harry released their post-mortem results, at first they suspected suicide-murder, but they've now concluded that it's not possible and it was in fact a double murder," Rhys told her.

Nikki leaned her head back against the pillow. "So we're looking at a triple murder?"

"Yes. Something very terrible happened to that family and I intend to find out what," Rhys fumed, his emotion almost getting the better of him.

"Have you found the cousin; Lisa?" Nikki questioned.

Rhys shook his head. "No. But we do have CCTV footage of Amanda and Steve at a motorway service station at 01.10 on the morning of the 11th."

Nikki sat up straight, her eyes wide in shock. "That's after Sophia was found."

"I know," Rhys agreed.

"So if they didn't kill her, who did?" Nikki wondered out loud.

Rhys looked at his friend. "I don't know."

"Please don't give up, not until you know," Nikki pleaded, needing to know that without her there to keep nagging him Rhys would still keep going.

"I won't," Rhys vowed.

Nikki licked at her suddenly dry lips. "Promise?"

"I promise," Rhys smiled as he reached out and placed his hand on top of hers. "And I need you to promise me the same thing too; I need to know that you're not going to give up?"

"Never," Nikki promised with a smile as she leaned her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes, determined to reserve what little strength she had left for the coming battle.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Pulling out his front door keys Harry ran his hand tiredly through his hair, it felt like years since he had last had a proper sleep and even longer since he had felt at peace.

"Harry," he heard Emma's familiar voice call out from behind him.

Wearily Harry rolled his eyes before turning around to face her. "Emma. What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," Emma replied, stepping towards him.

Harry watched as Emma went to take hold of his hands, too tired and frustrated for any physical contact he quickly put his hands in his pocket, trying to make it seem as natural as possible. "Right. Waiting."

"I've been trying too contact you," Emma told him, trying to hide her hurt.

"I've been busy," Harry tensely replied.

Emma nodded. "I know. It didn't stop me worrying through."

Knowing that it was either now or never Harry decided to bite the bullet. "Perhaps you should come in," he began, his heart freezing as he saw the hopeful look that flashed across her face. "I think we need to talk."

Harry could hear Emma babbling on about what she had been up to since they had last seen each other as she practically skipped into the flat behind him.

"I've missed you," Emma whispered, moving forward to kiss him.

Holding up his hands Harry shook his head. "Emma. Please," he sighed, turning his back to her as he busied himself in making coffee.

"You still remember," Emma pointed out as Harry handed her a coffee before sitting down at the table opposite her.

"It's not even been a week Emma," Harry reminded her.

Emma took a sip of her coffee before running a perfectly manicured nail across the top of her cup in am almost seductive manner. "We're supposed to be in a committed relationship."

"I'm sorry but Nikki-"

"I knew this would end up being about her, it always is," Emma spat, her voice full of so much venom that the devil himself would have cowered.

Slamming his cup down on the hard oak surface Harry ignored the flash of pain that shot through him as the hot, liquid splashed over the side. "Stop it," he demanded through gritted teeth.

"I'm your girlfriend, I'm supposed to be your priority," Emma sighed, tentatively reaching out to take his hand in hers.

Balling his hands up into a fist Harry shook his head, when he was around Nikki he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, but right now, even just the idea of having Emma's hand in his felt wrong.

"Emma. I'm sorry, really I am but I don't think this is working," Harry whispered.

"We can make it work," Emma insisted, not wanting to believe it was over.

Slowly Harry shook his head. "No we can't. There's too much else going on in my life right now that it wouldn't be fair to you."

"Shouldn't I be the judge of that?" Emma asked.

"Maybe, but I know that I can't give you what you want, not now and probably not ever," Harry told her, his voice full of honesty.

Emma looked down at the dark liquid that had splashed across the table. "I can wait."

"It's not going to work Emma," Harry breathed.

"Is it because if her? Is it because I'm not her?" Emma asked, obviously referring to Nikki.

Taking a long deep breath Harry knew that honesty was the best policy. "Nikki is a friend and I care about her a great deal but even if she wasn't sick-"

"Sick?" Emma asked, cutting him off.

"Even if she wasn't sick," Harry continued. "Then it still would have come to this, it isn't going to work Emma and drawing it out any longer is not fair on either of us."

Standing up Emma walked around the table so that she was stood behind Harry in an almost threatening manner. "You don't know that, you've barely given us a chance."

"I know," Harry sighed, the lack of sleep and emotion of the last few days were beginning to take it's toll on his mental and physical state.

"But I love you," Emma cried.

Standing up Harry took a step away from her. "I'm sorry, I really am but it's over. I think we both need a clean break."

"Harry-"

"I'm going to go and take a shower and when I've finished I would like it if you weren't here," Harry told her, trying to keep his voice calm yet forceful which wasn't an easy task given his frazzled emotional state.

Emma watched him go, her shoulders sinking in defeat. "This is really it?"

"I really am sorry," Harry told her, his voice thick with sorrow. "You deserved more than what I had to give," and with that he walked towards the shower, leaving Emma alone to contemplate the latest series of events.

Once inside the shower Harry felt his aching muscles begin to relax under the powerful hot jets, closing his eyes he leaned against the back of the shower the events of the last few days playing heavily on his mind.

Ever since he had found Nikki seriously ill and delirious at her flat the guilt had been eating away at him, as he couldn't help but question that perhaps he could have changed things, if only they hadn't been so estranged. Of course the doctor in him knew that wasn't the case, that Nikki would have still gotten sick, no matter what he did. But that didn't stop the friend in him wondering if he could have stopped things getting so bad before she sought help.

Squirting the shampoo into his hand he rubbed it vigorously into his hair, needing the momentary respite that the action brought, turning up the power on the jets he stood under the water, watching the drain of the shower until it was free if bubbles.

He waited until he was certain he had given Emma enough time before stepping out of the shower, wrapping the plush red towel around his waist he headed straight out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Quickly drying himself he pulled on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and an old university t-shirt before lying down on his bed, glancing at the clock he closed his eyes, planning on just relaxing for 5 minutes.

5 minutes that quickly turned into 5 hours as his sleep-deprived mind and body caught up on some much needed sleep.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Standing outside of his daughter's hospital room Victor Alexander paced back and forth across the doorway, even since receiving the cryptic call from his only child his whole world had been sent into a tailspin.

When he'd woken up that morning, made himself a cup of coffee and dressed for work just like every other day he hadn't expected to be here, in fact it was the last place he had expected to be.

"Can I help you?" a man asked from behind him.

"I'm er … that's my … I'm her-"

Leo nodded, sensing the man's grief and frustration. "You're Nikki's father."

"Yes. Not that I've ever been much of a father to her," Victor sighed, as he sat down on one of the empty chairs.

"I'm Leo. Leo Dalton I work with Nikki," Leo told the other man, watching as he picked nervously at his sleeve, something he had seen Nikki do in times of very high stress.

Victor nodded. "Yes. She's mentioned you. Nikki she er … she looks up to you."

"Your daughter is an amazing woman and a brilliant pathologist, I'm honoured to work with her," Leo told him, as he looked towards the room where Nikki slept.

"Nikki called, told me she was sick and that she needed to see me," Victor explained, his mind a jumbled mix of emotions. "I came straight away but then when I got here and I realised it was a cancer ward … my feet wouldn't move," Victor breathed.

Leo nodded. "It's every father's worst nightmare."

"What's wrong with her? What's wrong with my Niks?" Victor asked, desperate to know what battle his daughter was facing, he may never win any father of the year awards but in his own way he loved his daughter more than anything in the world.

"Perhaps you should talk to Nikki about this," Leo suggested.

Victor shook his head. "No … no. When I go into that room I need to be strong, for once in her life I need to put Nikki first so I need to know and I don't want Nikki to have to see me breakdown when she tells me."

"Ok," Leo agreed.

"Perhaps we should go somewhere else," Victor suggested.

Standing up Leo looked into the room, watching as Nikki slept, oblivious to the drama that happened around her as two nurses changed her IV bags. "Sure. Coffee?"

"Coffee sounds good," Victor agreed as he followed Leo out of the oncology ward and towards the cafeteria.

Placing 2 Styrofoam cups down onto the table Leo sat down opposite Nikki's father, a man who even though he had heard less than stellar things about he couldn't help but feel sympathy for. No one should have to watch their child suffer, no matter how old that child may be.

"Nikki?" Victor asked, not quite sure how to phrase the question, so instead he settled on just one word; one word that spoke volumes to Leo.

Leo nodded. "Nikki has been diagnosed with acute promyelocytic leukaemia. It's a very serious form of acute leukaemia that is uniquely characterised by it's effect on the blood's ability to clot."

"Oh God," Victor cried, bringing his hand up to his mouth.

"This morning she started treatment, chemotherapy, she'll need 4 cycles in total which should last about 6 months, that's if everything goes smoothly," Leo added.

Victor nodded. "What are her chances?"

"I'm not an oncologist, not even close, but Nikki's consultant said that the recent treatment has shown an 85% success rate," Leo reassured him.

"85%," Victor stammered. "That means that 15%-"

Leo shook his head. "Don't, Nikki needs positive thinking around her right now. We can't think like that. You can't think like that."

"I know, I know it's just-" Victor trailed off, unable to remember what he was going to say.

"Nikki's one of the toughest people I know, if anyone can beat this; she can," Leo insisted, truly believing every word of it.

Victor nodded. "She's always been tough."

"We should get back," Leo suggested, as he looked up at the clock. "The last think he wanted was for Nikki to wake up alone.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S **

Rolling over on top of his covers Harry smiled to himself as he ran his hand across his eyes, feeling more rested than he had in days. However his smile quickly faded as he remembered the last few days, as he remembered Nikki.

"Nikki," he whispered, looking over at his clock and realising that it had been 7 hours since he had last left the hospital and that she would be well into her first day of chemotherapy by now, something he had wanted to be there for.

Stepping out of his bed he changed into a pair of jeans and a jumper before pulling on a pair of trainers and rushing into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Entering the lounge in search of his wallet he was shocked to find Emma sat on his sofa, staring at the muted television.

"Emma, what are you still doing here?" Harry asked as he cautiously approached her.

She looked up at him, her eyes red from crying. "I needed to talk to you."

"I said everything I needed to say last night," Harry told her.

"But I didn't," Emma retorted.

Harry sighed, grabbing his wallet from the top of the speakers. "I have to go and so do you."

"Not until I've said what I need to say," Emma insisted.

With a sigh of defeat Harry sat down opposite her. "You've got 5 minutes."

"That's all I need," Emma breathed.

A heavy silence settled around them as Harry waited for Emma to speak, his eyes never leaving the clock as he watched 2 minutes tick by, 2 extra minutes that he was spending away from Nikki when she needed him most.

"Make that 3 minutes," Harry added, his voice tired and weary.

Reaching into her pocket Emma pulled out a long, white plastic stick. "I'm pregnant."

Of all the things Harry had been expecting her to say that certainly wasn't one of them. "Pregnant," he stammered.

"Yes as in with child," Emma replied, her voice almost teasing as she saw the shock and realisation dart across his face.

"Pregnant," Harry repeated, as if saying the word out loud would make it go away.

Emma nodded. "Yes. We've already established that, what we haven't established is what we're going to go about it."

"We?" Harry questioned. "So I'm the father?" he asked, needing to ask the question.

"Yes, you're the father," Emma replied, her voice quiet yet angry.

Harry was about to say something when his mobile phone bleeped, looking at the screen he opened the message from Leo, his heart skipping a beat when he read the short message.

"Need you at the hospital now. Nikki in a bad way. Leo."

Standing up he shook his head. "I have to go."

"Go?" Emma practically shouted. "I've just told you that I'm having your baby and you want to leave?"

"I'm sorry but I have to get to the hospital, Nikki needs me," Harry cried, his voice thick with tears and frustration.

Emma shook her head. "I need you. Our baby needs you."

"I'm sorry," Harry apologised.

"So you keep saying," Emma shouted. "But your apologies mean nothing to me, what I need is to know that you're going to be there for me."

Looking down at the text message Harry felt like Leo's words were shouting at him, taunting him that once again when Nikki needed him he wasn't there. Turning his head he looked towards Emma who still held the pregnancy test in her hand.

"I'm really sorry but I have to go," Harry insisted and with that he was gone, leaving Emma alone as he headed to the hospital and to Nikki.

His head was so full with a mix of emotions as Emma's revelation and the drama of the last few days whirled together like a tornado, threatening to sweep him up. But from amongst all of the noise and chaos in his brain one thing was clear; and that was Nikki and how he needed to be with her right now, probably more so than she needed him.


	9. Crash and Burn

I seem to have lost some readers, I apologise if it's been to heavy on the medical terminology and that's why people have stopped reading and reviewing. All constructive criticism is welcome as well as reviews.

_**9. "When you feel all alone, and the world has turned it's back on you, give me a moment please, to tame your wild, wild heart."**_

Pulling her knees up to her stomach Nikki willed the never-ending nauseous feeling to disappear. When she had been given the information leaflet on side effects to expect she hadn't been expecting them to be so instantaneous, yet here she was just 10 hours after starting the chemotherapy schedule praying for the torment to end.

"Nikki," Victor whispered, reaching out and placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me," Nikki cried.

Victor nodded. "Ok," he breathed, his eyes thick with tears as he watched his only child suffer.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Leo asked, from his position by the door.

"Water," Nikki croaked, her throat sore and dry.

Handing her a bottle of water from the small mini fridge inside the cupboard Leo watched as Nikki took a series of shaky sips.

"How long has she been like this for?" Leo asked.

"A few hours," Victor recalled, even though it had felt like days to him.

Leo nodded. "I feel so helpless."

"The doctors gave her some anti-sickness medication so she hasn't actually been sick yet, but the nausea, shivering and body aches don't seem to be helped by anything, she's in so much discomfort that she can't even handle anyone touching her," Victor explained, his voice breaking.

"If you need anything?" Leo offered.

Victor looked towards where his daughter sat huddled in the chair, her whole body trembling. "Is Harry here yet?"

"I sent him a message," Leo explained.

Victor leaned back heavily against the wall. "He's the only person she's asked for all day."

"They're very close," Leo agreed.

Both men were distracted by a commotion from the edge of the room as Nikki stumbled to her feet, slowly and painfully making her way to the bed. Throwing the top cover to the end, she covered herself with just the sheet as she laid her swimming head against the pillow.

"I'm just going to sleep," Nikki told them, as if feeling the need to explain herself to her father and friend.

"Sleep my child," Victor whispered, as he sat down in the seat next to his daughter, picking up one of the leaflets off the side he started to read about everything that they could expect to face over the coming days, weeks and months.

Nodding into the pillow Nikki closed her eyes, trying to ignore the way that the sheet scratched against her burning skin or how even with her eyes closed she could feel the room spinning around her, taking a series of deep cleansing breaths she finally fell into a somewhat unsettled slumber.

"It's only day 1," Victor sighed.

Leo stepped towards the fridge, loading more bottles of water into the fridge. "I know."

"Which means it's going to get harder, much, much harder," Victor stammered, unable to comprehend the pain and suffering his little girl would have to go through in the fight for survival.

"She'll get through it," Leo assured him.

Victor nodded. "I know. I have no doubt in her strength. It's me I'm doubting, I mean I've barely been a father to her at the best of times, let alone now, when things are so hard and she needs me most."

"You'll find a way to be there for her," Leo tried to reassure him.

"I hope so," Victor breathed. "I really hope so."

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Harry was just about to enter Nikki's hospital room when he almost collided with a departing Leo.

"I got your message. Nikki, is she alright?" Harry asked, not stopping to catch his breath.

Leo shook his head. "No. But she's sleeping now and probably will be for a while, they gave her some medication to combat the side-effects that has a very strong sedative effect.

"I should have been here," Harry insisted. "I just went home to get a shower but then I fell asleep, and Emma turned up and ... I should have been here. I've let her down enough and Nikki she-"

"You needed to sleep," Leo reminded him.

Harry shook his head. "No. I needed to be here."

"You would have been no good to Nikki if you'd passed out from exhaustion," Leo pointed out.

"Right, yes," Harry stammered.

Leo could see that the younger man was struggling with the recent chain of events, and the last thing he needed was for him to completely fall apart. "Nikki will be asleep for at least a few more hours, so how about you and I get a coffee?"

"It's nearly midnight, I highly doubt the hospital canteen is open," Harry said, drawing Leo's attention to the time.

"It's not. But this is Central London and I know a lovely little 24 hour bistro just a few minutes walk from here. We can be there and back before Nikki even realises we've gone," Leo suggested.

Harry considered the offer for a few moments. "Is she on her own?"

"Her father is there," Leo replied.

"Her father?" Harry frowned, not quite sure how to word the million questions that were racing through his mind.

Leo nodded. "Nikki called him in the early hours of the morning, no matter how old people are they always need someone."

"Good, that's good," Harry agreed.

"So coffee?" Leo prompted, trying to keep Harry's mind on track.

Silently Harry followed Leo out of the hospital's night entrance and around the corner towards the all night bistro, a quaint little brick building situated just away from the hustle and bustle of one of London's biggest hospitals.

"So how did you find this place?" Harry wondered, as they sat down opposite each other.

"I didn't, Janet did, she found it on one of her many all-night vigils after I was attacked," Leo explained, as he busied himself in looking at the menu.

As the waitress approached the table both Harry and Leo ordered a coffee and sandwich, neither of them having had anything substantial to eat in the last few days.

"Was it really bad?" Harry questioned, referring to Nikki's first day of chemotherapy.

Leo was torn, on one hand he didn't want Harry to feel any guiltier than he already did for not being there, but on the other hand he didn't want any secrets. "It wasn't pleasant."

"I should have been there," Harry muttered, repeating his sentiment of earlier.

"There's going to be plenty of days like this to come, days that she'll need you there," Leo said, not sure how much of a comfort he was being, but needing to feel like he was doing something.

Over the years Harry, Nikki and himself had formed a family of sorts, they had laughed, loved, cried and struggled together. Through the ups and downs they had all been there for each other and right now he felt like it was all fragmenting around him, and now matter how hard he tried to couldn't keep it from falling apart.

Leo watched as Harry stirred his coffee, his mind obviously elsewhere. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything is sunshine and puppies," Harry sarcastically replied.

"I mean, is there something else going on? Something I can help with?" Leo elaborated, hoping that there was something he could do, because at the moment he felt like he was drowning in his own helplessness.

Considering his options for a few minutes Harry was silent as he devoured half of his sandwich before answering Leo. "Emma's pregnant."

"Pregnant," Leo stuttered, as if saying the word out loud would make it mean something different.

Harry grimaced as he took a large mouthful of coffee. "That was pretty much my reaction, only add in a little more shock."

"Wow, that's … pregnant," Leo said, not sure what else to say.

"I don't know what to do," Harry admitted.

Leo could see the complete and utter fear and panic in Harry's eyes. "I'm not surprised, a lot has happened over the past few days and I know that you and Emma have only known each other for a few months."

"I don't love her," Harry blurted out, without thinking the words through.

"You don't have to love someone to have a family with them," Leo pointed out, trying to sound supportive and not judgemental.

Finishing off the rest of his sandwich Harry washed it down with some coffee. "I'm not in the right place to be a father right now, I mean … Nikki needs me and I need her to be my priority but now Emma, she-"

"She needs you too," Leo finished for him.

Closing his eyes Harry nodded. "Everything is such a mess and I don't know what to do, I fee like a clown juggling too many balls and eventually I know one of them is going to drop, I just don't know if I can control which one it is."

"You'll do what you feel is right," Leo told him, honestly believing that when the time is right he would.

Harry looked down at his empty plate. "I'm going to head back to the hospital, Nikki might be waking up soon."

"I'm going to finish here and then head home, I need to go into the office tomorrow and release the official post-mortem results but I'll come by at some time," Leo explained, as he watched Harry get ready to leave

"I'm supposed to be on call tomorrow," Harry remembered.

Leo shook his head. "Don't worry, it's sorted."

"Thank-you," Harry smiled, as he put some money down on the table before heading out into the cold, London night.

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

The clicking of the IV machine had almost become a comfort to Harry over the last few hours as he had sat in the hospital room, waiting for Nikki to wake up. Just like the steady rise and fall of Nikki's chest had been a steady reassurance, giving him peace of mind that Nikki was still there, still fighting.

Standing up Harry paced quietly back and forth across the room, shaking the cramp out of his legs.

"Still here?" Nikki yawned, as she pulled herself into a sitting position.

Harry walked back over towards the bed and smiled. "Like I said, I have no life."

"Where's my father?" Nikki asked, looking around at the room and realising that her and Harry were alone.

Harry sat down on the edge of the bed, being careful to avoid her legs. "He's gone to get a shower and fresh change of clothes."

"No chemo today," Nikki realised.

"No, only odd days for this cycle. Right?" Harry asked, trying to remember back to the consultation with her doctor.

Sitting forward Nikki nodded. "Right."

"So just the ATRA today?" Harry asked.

"Yes. And that I can deal with," Nikki breathed, licking her dry lips. "It's the triple dose of toxic drugs from yesterday that knocked me out, talk about a potent cocktail … and not the good, alcoholic kind that I'm used too."

Harry reached out and rested his hand on hers. "How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly normal, in fact better than I have in a few days," Nikki answered, after taking a silent stock of her symptoms, other than a dry throat, residual cough and mild body aches she felt alright.

"Feeling up to a walk?" Harry asked.

Curling her fingers around his Nikki nodded. "I'm not sure how far I'm allowed to go though."

"I wasn't thinking of anything adventurous, just the day room, or if we're feeling really wild maybe even the cafeteria," Harry smiled, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"What time is it?" Nikki asked.

Harry looked at his watch. "Just gone 8."

"Have you seen any of the nurses?" Nikki questioned, as she pushed the sheet off of her and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

"They were in here just before you woke up, they connected the antibiotic to your IV line, after that's finished they said you'll be free of lines for the rest of the day," Harry informed her.

"Hence the walkabout," Nikki smiled.

Helping her to her feet Harry wheeled the IV stand over to the chair and watched as she sat down. "Hence the walkabout. Could you … could you find someone for me please?"

"Why is everything alright? Are you feeling sick? Can I get you anything? If you're in pain we can give today a miss," Harry panicked, his heart rate increasing at the thought that something was wrong.

Nikki couldn't help but smile at his concern. "I'm fine," she laughed gently, immediately putting his mind at ease. "I'm just in desperate need of a shower and I wanted some advise on how to do that with my latest accessory," she explained, motioning to the central line that hung from her chest.

"I'll see who I can find," Harry said, as he set out to look for someone, returning just minutes later with a nurse.

"Hello," the nurse smiled. "My name is Jodie and I'll be your nurse for the day," the tall redhead said as she approached Nikki.

Standing up Nikki walked over to the cupboard and took out a wash bag, towel and spare change of clothes. "Hello. Nikki, I'm Nikki and er, I was wondering if you could show me how to shower, this is all new to me."

"Of course," Jodie nodded, following Nikki towards the en-suite bathroom.

"I'm just going to go and make a few phone calls, I'll be back shortly," Harry excused, picking his bag up off the side.

Nikki smiled, her whole face lighting up as she did. "I'm not going anywhere."

**S - I - L - E - N - T - W - I - T - N - E - S - S**

Reaching the doorway Nikki paused, tugging self-consciously at her cardigan as she watched Harry walk towards the lift.

Sensing that Nikki was no longer beside him Harry stopped and turned back towards her, his heart broken as he saw the fear and doubt on her face as she stood frozen at the entrance to the ward.

Motioning to the chairs that sat just outside the ward Harry sat down, watching as Nikki sat down next to him, not saying anything he just took her hands in his, letting her know that he was there when she was ready to talk.

After a few moments silence Nikki finally spoke. "I know it sounds stupid and irrational but I'm scared."

"What of?" Harry asked.

"That everyone will take one look at me and know," Nikki whispered.

Harry nodded. "And so what if they do know. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I know," Nikki breathed, her voice nothing more than a whisper. "But I'm not ready for people to pity me, I don't think I'll ever be ready for that part of it."

"It's human nature Nikki," Harry told her.

Tugging nervously at her t-shirt Nikki could feel the short plastic central line that was taped to her chest under it. "I know, it's just … daunting."

"You look beautiful," Harry told her, and he meant every word of it as he took in everything about her.

Colour was starting to return to her cheeks giving them a rosy tint, her eyes were back to their usual chocolate brown and her golden hair was tied back in a loose ponytail. She wore a pair of faded, skinny jeans tucked into a well-worn pair of UGG boots, a cream and white striped jersey top covered her central line perfectly and the outfit was finished off with a grey, oversized cashmere cardigan that she cuddled around herself in a self-protective manner.

If you didn't know you would have no reason to believe that the petite blonde was currently undergoing treatment for leukaemia or that she was anything put the picture of health.

Nodding Nikki saw the truth reflected in Harry's eyes, he was right, it was human nature and there was nothing she could do about it. Standing up she held out her hand, waiting as Harry took hold of it.

"Well are you coming or not," Nikki laughed as she headed towards the lift, not protesting as Harry draped his arm casually around her shoulder, in fact she was more than content to move further into him so that their bodies were touching as the lift made it's decent to the ground floor, and Nikki made her first public appearance since the diagnosis, with Harry right by her side.


End file.
